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The Secrets to Getting into United's Global Services Program Revealed

Funny how some P&M (pissing and moaning) gets you traffic.

Soon after writing about my United Airlines encounter, when I was told by a UA employee the criteria for getting Global Services status on UA were unknown to him, I've received a whole lotta support from readers, helping me to find out. What surprised me were emails from frequent fliers, even a reporter covering the airline beat, asking me to share if I found out how to get into this exclusive loyalty program. Could this info really be THAT proprietary?

I was enlightened by Nicole Simon's suggestion to go check out FlyerTalk, an online community for frequent fliers, where many of the deep mysteries of loyalty programs are discussed and sometimes even unearthed. I was somewhat shocked by the fury with which some of these members respond to people like myself and John Battelle, who like to P&M about their airline loyalty programs. Apparently, there is a class of people much more sophisticated and informed in the ways of the Mileage Plus Program than us mere mortals. Those of us who resist the force are struck down with their unintelligible abbreviations and acronyms. One example of a question posed by a 1K member:

It seems amazingly difficult for me to get a confirmed SWU upgrade seat on international flights at booking time. Since S, T,K, and L seats can't upgrade on SWUs to use them you have to buy a more expensive ticket ... I wonder if UAs fuller flights will make up for the loss of revenue from people like me who may be paying less than before to get STKL tickets since I can't confirm the upgrade and don't want to take the chance of paying a high fare and still ending up in Y.

And some answers:

United inventory is not trying to get you to buy a W instead of an S. They are trying to get you to buy a C instead of a W and hoping for an upgrade ... Based on my limited experience, I would say that experimenting with other airlines is not going to increase your chances of upgrades from Y to C.

With all of the problems with UA and their product, the only thing they really have going for them is the liberal upgrade policy. I can't think of any other airline that hands out upgrades on intl'l flights like UA - certainly no foreign carrier...Having said that, yes things have gotten tighter. A lot of it is due to higher paid loads in intl C cabins. I tried to buy a seat BKK-LAX on 11/18, but it wasl all zeroed out in C/D/Z buckets from BKK to NRT. I was also looking at LAX-NRT on 12/7. Same thing. Go figure...

But there is no doubt that UA IM is getting more stingy when there are fairly light loads also...I guess they have figured out that a large percentage of 1K's are willing to wait up until the gate for their Y>C upgrade...Now, if only they had a C/F product worth paying for.

One user lauds the receipt of his 2010 "GS Packet" in the mail with such pride you'd think he/she got into Harvard. Lordy I'm afraid to go back and see if I've sullied my name in the bowels of the discussion threads. There seems to be a particular disdain for people with delusions of grandeur who blog their discontent hoping the airlines will treat them better than everyone else. One thing is clear to me here. The "real" MP members know the rules and take their lumps when they don't get upgraded. Money talks.

What also surprised me is that while I consider myself a fairly particular and oftentimes petty frequent flier, I'm virginesque. New to this world of openly discussing my frequent flyer status, which I may not do until I speak Mileage Plus (MP). Consider me a permanent lurker.

My husband scoured a few websites and found some educated conjecture that GS membership was likely the result of purchasing many full-freight business or first-class fares. Or just spending a whole lotta money with United. So OK, I'm the coach upgrade Queen. When I recently sat in business class next to a woman who insisted her seat be changed because she was sitting too close to a loud food heater and "paid $1,500 for this seat!" I thought to myself, SUCK-AAAAHHHH!" OK so maybe I get the crappiest seats in business, but I paid a third of the price for them. I suppose I do not fit the profile of the "fit to be in Global Services" customer.

Still, I spoke with someone I know who has been a Global Services member on and off for years. "Some years I'm in, and some I'm not," he said. "I think this year I was downgraded to 1K." He shared that one year he appealed to United, when it became clear that his firm's senior partners' frequent flying, often at full-freight rates, still wasn't tipping the balance into Global Services membership. For his efforts his partners were upgraded, but he was not.

I am particularly grateful for this note by a United Airlines employee, who shared with me the goods:

The short of it is, you have to spend a lot of money on United. Roughly the top 1% of elites in a given year are invited to become a GS. Since what it takes to be in the top 1% changes from year to year, that's why the criteria aren't published and why it's considered "invite only". Occasionally, other people who are very important to United are given GS status, but that's only a few, probably a couple hundred at most. The other few thousand spent their way there. The GS qualification standards also "mileage run proof" in that you can't game the system by taking a bunch of long cheap trips to get GS status.

Why does this level exist? It provides services above and beyond 1K. 1K's are mainly concerned with upgrades. However, to get to be a GS, you have to BUY first or business class on a regular basis (usually on international flights), therefore, upgrades are less important. GS's have a "concierge" service that they can call at any time. They also have special lounges and check-in areas in United hubs.

How much do you have to spend to be a GS? Well, like I said it changes from year to year and I'm not allowed to tell you anyway, but look up what a first class ticket to Asia costs and do a couple of those, then you're in the ballpark of what it takes.

So now I really know that I'm not GS material.

Ironically I am writing this en route to JFK on a Virgin America flight. I had to book last-minute and the United fares were cost-prohibitive. I am loving the wireless, the food on demand, and the general lack of administrative baggage associated with this airline.

I'm told wireless is FINALLY available on all JFK/SFO United flights. Hallelujah! But given my start-up travel budget, I might have to stray a bit more.

An Entrepreneur's Holiday Weekend: The good, the bad, the unproductive

This week I took some extended time off around the Thanksgiving holiday--two whole days! The first day of my vacation I spent catching up on email, thinking of blog post ideas, and, OK, just checking in on our company team meeting. Hey it was a goodie, not one to be missed. My husband also had the day off and couldn't really make sense of my choice of activities.

"Babe, what's the point of taking vacation if ..."

"I know, I know."

The remainder of the day I played with widget options for my soon to launch new blog, went to the dentist for a follow-up, and then baked pumpkin pie. In my true style of underestimating how long it takes to properly create things In Real Life, I forgot that one must let dough chill before rolling it out. This not so minor detail, and some general wonkiness I encountered with my dough, put me back about 2 hours. I went to bed well past midnight.

Wednesday we drove from the Bay Area to Anaheim to spend Thanksgiving with Jesse's family. We encountered pockets of heavy traffic, which irritated my husband to no end, but which I found rather convenient--it afforded me more time to catch up on trade newsletters and articles I had sent to myself to read when I'd get an extra moment. At one point, I noticed an email request from my business partner and figured, "Hey, I'm in the car, so why not just crank it out."

I worked on the laptop until my power died, then enjoyed the throngs of people stuck in gridlock for the next few hours.

Thursday I really did take the day off. We took a long bike ride on the tandem of Jesse's aunt and uncle. After lunch, I sat on the couch next to Jesse to watch the football game with his grandfather. Next thing I know, I'm waking up.

"What just happened?"

"Enjoy your nap?" Jesse said.

"That was weird. I wasn't even tired."

Both Jesse and I knew what had happened--what happens every time I have enough time off to absorb the fact that I'm on vacation--my body shut down. For the remainder of the day I felt bone tired and disoriented, like I was just waking up. Every few minutes I checked my Blackberry for email, out of a nervous habit. With the exception of a few Facebook and Twitter alerts there was nothing. Not having anything new pop into my inbox made me a tad agitated. It felt like there was something wrong. I had to remind myself that it was Thanksgiving. When we arrived at Jesse's aunt's for dinner I put my Blackberry in the glove compartment.

Friday Jesse was up with the sun. I found it much harder to wake up. I sauntered into my in-laws' kitchen and started to pick through the New York Times. I helped set up a wireless router, and then around 1 pm felt this sudden panic that I was letting the day pass me by. Jesse had mentioned that his parents wanted to see an exhibit at the contemporary art museum in La Jolla.

"When are we going to motivate?" I asked Jesse.

"I dunno. I thought I might study for my (licensure) exam for a while."

"We need a plan, Jesse! When are we going?"

"Later today."

"When later today? The sun sets at 5!" My voice became more and more urgent.

"Fine. We'll leave at 2."

At 2:15 we left for the museum. None of us were that impressed with the exhibit, but I was glad to be out and a tourist, taking in the sites on the waterfront. I was already thinking to myself, "Where are we going for dinner? Do we need reservations? When should I squeak out a blog post?" I told myself to shut up. We watched the sun set. I'd done nothing productive, and it was OK.

Saturday I squeezed in some exercise before friends arrived for brunch. I felt more energized than I had been, despite the fact that I had had a work dream that woke me up in the middle of the night and I couldn't fall back asleep for hours. It wasn't a scary or traumatic dream, just one that required a degree of thinking. I found it strange to wake up at 3 in the morning in a state I find myself in during, say, a team meeting: Fully alert and ready to report information.

We did some shopping that afternoon, or browsing, anyway; I found that I wasn't inspired by anything at the stores. Later, I tried to blog and realized I was a blank slate, no words were appearing that I considered compelling enough to write down. I thought to myself that it was a shame, really; I finally had some time to blog, and I couldn't think of a damn thing to say.

Sunday we drove back up from SoCal, and I caught up on more trade newsletters. It occured to me that there were only so many to catch up on before it made sense to let some information go. I listened to hours of CNN on satellite radio and wondered, "Did any of these people take the weekend off?" It seemed that there were many people whose jobs required them to be even more available than mine did on holiday weekends, and I felt grateful and guilty.

We got back home earlier than planned and even a bit unsure of what to do with ourselves. I had planned to start working as soon as I got home, but as a personal dare I decided to think about my long weekend--what I did, not what I didn't do. And write it down, even the seemingly mundane stuff, so that I would be more aware of how I spent my "free" time. I asked myself, how much of it did I actually spend on being free? 

The Secret Handshake I Still Don't Know at United Airlines

I fly a lot on business. A lot. A couple of years ago I started actively flying on United because it's a major airline at my local airport, SFO, and it flies regularly to the cities I fly to most often: New York and Chicago. And I started doing the math and realized I wasn't doing myself any favors by constantly changing my airline and finding myself booked in the back of the plan, next to the bathrooms, every time.

I'm not sure what my total miles are for this year, but as of this date I've amassed about 240,000 miles and 40 upgrade segments. This is my balance after paying 45,000 miles for a Red Carpet Club membership and spending some of my segments on upgrades. If the demand for upgrades by other frequent fliers were not a factor, I would get to upgrade to business or first class every time I fly.

This year, despite my "1K" status, which I love to throw around when I want something from United (like a guaranteed upgrade) there are some things that still elude me. Even when I book well in advance, I get upgraded to business or first class maybe 50 percent of the time. And about 40 percent of the times that I do get upgraded, it's on a plane with what I call "lame first class"--an antiquated model that only affords bennies like a slightly wider seat and no charge for a snack box (the flight attendant even pre-opens it for me, so I don't break a nail trying to get the plastic off.) Despite the claims that some flights have wireless, I have yet to experience one, and only a handful of planes have charging outlets (and of the ones that do I need to contort myself like a Cirque du Soleil performer to reach it, feeling under my seat for the two indiscriminate holes where an outlet is rumored to be.)

Needless to say I have been disappointed in my United 1K membership, despite having flown with them an estimated 40 times this year (and about 120 times over the past 3 years), including international trips that required connecting legs on partner airlines that didn't always honor my miles (or made it difficult to redeem them), dinky puddle-jumping legs from one of their hub airports, and the standard flights to New York or Chicago.

I'll say upfront I'm not always loyal to United. Our office manager won't book me on it if I'm not flying their more common routes and have to pay a small salary to stick with them. I've flown Delta to Florida, Atlanta, and Cincinnati, which saved me time and money. I've flown Southwest to LA, San Diego, Phoenix, and Las Vegas and see no reason why I should pay more for these quick jaunts. But still, I would say I qualify as a loyal United customer because I fly them most often.

So imagine my surprise today, as I'm checking into my flight from JFK to SFO, when I ask the attendant at the check in counter what my chances are of getting upgraded:

"You are fourth on the list."

"Really. Do you think my chances are good?"

"Mmm depends. You have two other 1Ks and a Global Services member ahead of you."

I've heard of "Global Services" and see that these folks get preference over 1Ks, but I've never been sure why.

I ask the attendant, "What does it take to be a Global Services member?"

"You have to be invited."

"REALLY! And what does it take to be invited?"

"I really don't know, ma'am."

I could feel the surface of the soapbox materialize under my feet. You have to be INVITED into this club? And the criteria isn't public? Naturally, I don't take this as a final answer.

"C'mon, you must really know: Do I need a certain number of miles?"

"I don't know, ma'am."

"Do you need to spend a certain amount of money?"

"Again ma'am, I don't really know."

"Do you need to be deemed important somehow?"

The attendant shrugged his shoulders, and with this gesture I backed off. I told him,

"I'm going to find out why I haven't been invited to be a Global Services member. Mark my words."

And I say to all of you. A gal who has built a business grounded in meritocracy: Mark. My. Words.

Encounters: The Aviator, or what I want to be when I learn to play

(Caption: Our view of Big Sur)

I met Kareem because we needed a contract script writer--badly. Copywriting was not Kareem's only career strength, and not exactly a career passion, but the project was temporary, and he had just come from a digital agency with too much experience on his resume to get picked up immediately in a downsizing economy.

Prior to meeting Kareem I'd spoken on the phone to another writer with an agency background. She was ready and eager to jump into our project. Shortly, after being briefed about the aggressive deadlines and requirements of the client, she reconsidered and backed away, mid-script. We were supposed to shoot the following week.

In ideal circumstances, we strive for a sane approach to project management, where we plan such things as scriptwriting and shooting schedules way in advance, but being in this Webby world we're in, projects are often inked close to launch. Some people thrive in this kind of environment, some fight it and give in begrudgingly, some reject it outright. I needed to see how Kareem would react early, before hiring him.

I was brutally frank in our interview. Our "co-created" project with Brand X was exciting stuff, but it was not without client oversight and last-minute changes. I said something that I wish I hadn't,

"I need someone who's comfortable with user-generated content that's not all user-generated...I mean, it is, but with an eye toward the brand... not that they want to influence the script, of course...it must be authentic, but brand-friendly..."

I decided to look up from staring down at Kareem's extensive resume; he remained smiling and calm.

"Yes, I think I understand," he said. He told me of several on-set projects he'd done as a creative director. The personalities he'd encountered, the seemingly contradictory directives. It was clear to me that, from a production standpoint, he'd seen it all, and he understood the dichotomous nature of client work--something that often relied on a paradoxical act of creating authentic connection. He didn't bristle when I told him we were shooting next week and still needed scripts to submit for approval. And these scripts depended on the availability of his script subjects, whom had yet to be selected, let alone contacted.

"No problem," he said.

The following week, he arrived for a briefing meeting with snacks for the team. Shortly thereafter, scripts written and approved, he arrived at the set early with props that our producer had trouble procuring. Everyone who had arrived on-set had been briefed by him and was ready to go. He got along famously with the camera crew and director. Later, when the rough cuts were complete he adeptly knew where to cut and even how to retroactively make guests look more comfortable than they actually were. Client requests that may have overwhelmed another writer/producer were creatively integrated with no complaints.

After our final shoot he suggested we go grab some coffee. Already I was trying to think of how else we could work with Kareem until a more suitable position opened up for him.

It was a hot day; I sipped ice-coffee in an air-conditioned Starbucks. He asked me, "Do you fly much?"

On hugging and professional PDA

I'm a hugger, and I never thought that much about it. When I'm at parties and meet people for the first time, I hug them before I leave. I see people I know on the street, I hug them. When I'm seeing people in business settings that I know well I hug them. It only just occurred to me recently that we don't all have the same criteria around when we should hug in the office, especially if it's a male-female interaction.

I was recently visiting with clients that I know well. I've worked with one of my contacts for three years now. He makes it out to San Francisco every few months, and it's always good to talk social media with him. I know him well enough to know he's planning his wedding, which takes place in a few weeks.

When I saw him and his co-worker I approached arms out. I had just come back from BlogHer in Chicago, where I had been used to hugging, even kissing people on the cheek. I forget that while me and my business pal are friendly, he's not so much a hugger. Upon reaching out for him, he swerved for the shoulder-to-shoulder hug, looking off to the side. I accidentally whacked him in the face with the hand I reserve to clutch and pat my huggee on the back.

To prove I'm becoming more like my mother every day I reverted to her method of pain reduction and reactively grabbed his face, because somehow grabbing someone's face makes whacking them hurt less. Just when he was probably thinking, "please don't touch me any more than you already have."

I've stopped kissing people on the cheek except when I'm in NYC, and even then I assess the target. Probably the dumbest thing I ever did was this May when, despite all the hubbub about swine flu, I went to a friend's wedding in Mexico, came back with a raging cold, and still insisted on making my way to New York for a conference and some meetings. I visited with another professional pal who asked me what I've been up to.

"Just got back from Mexico," I said, then started hacking uncontrollably.

"Oh really?" he said, trying to not look overly concerned. As I left, I grabbed the poor man, who was relocating to an office in another country, hugged him and provided a cheek-to-cheek airkiss.

"Besta luck!" I said.

I envisioned what he was saying to himself silently, "Typhoid freak, please leave."

What "BaconSalt" Taught Me About Building Brand Fanaticism in Social Media

A chance encounter while traveling gave me a new lease on the power of food blogging and tapping foodies of all stripes to make things happen.

The Joys of Being a 1K Member on United Airlines

I have no funny or particularly insightful things to say about my disappointment in the airline I flew over 40 times this year. I just felt like I needed to get this down.

Weeks ago, I booked tickets for my husband and I to take a three-pronged trip: to LA/San Diego to see his family, then to Chicago for Christmas with mine, then back home. Though I did what good travelers do and tried to book months in advance, prices were prohibitive, akin to flying to the furthest reaches of Africa, or to some little-known third-world country, not the most major hubs that my airline of choice (read: where I have the most miles) serves.

After inserting a number of permutations into Kayak I found an itinerary that, while still expensive, was just over half the price of all the others. Immediately I booked the trip. Closer to the time, H-band, with an unusual, spontaneous interest in our itinerary, called me rather perturbed.

"Babe, why did you book our tickets for 9 pm? My grandparents' anniversary party is at 5."

"I didn't. I booked it for 9 a.m." As the words came out of my mouth it occurred to me, why I suddenly found reasonably priced tickets. I had accidentally booked a night flight.

I called to rectify the situation. I practically live on standby when I travel on business, and I nearly always get on earlier flights. Plus, I have well over 200,000 miles on United this year alone, making me what you call a "1K" member in United Loyalty Program parlance. This means that I still pay exorbitantly for flights and have to still get waitlisted from time to time while trying to upgrade on flights from Europe (Still bitter? Yes.) But when little issues like booking the wrong flight occur, I can be reassured that I can get on the flight I intended to be on. Or so I thought.

I learned that since I had booked a series of flights at a certain fare, I couldn't swap flights until the day of travel unless I opted to pay the current, market-rate fares of all of the other legs of our flights, plus a per-flight change fee. The customer service rep assured me that the flight I wanted to get on was only half full. Surely it wouldn't fill up completely in the next few weeks. H-band wasn't as confident as the customer service rep.

"We can't just wait until the day of travel!" he said, panicking. You are a 1K member, did you remind them of that?"

"Yes," I said. "But since we got a discount fare I can't re-book without having all of our connecting flights re-booked."

"Call them again," H-band said, so I did. I asked what changing that one leg of our flight--from San Francisco to San Diego--would cost. They said $2,200.

I said to H-band. I think we have to take our chances. Look on the bright side babe. The flight we want is only half-full.

As the time of our desired flight grew nearer, I checked the availability. The flight was completely booked, as was an earlier flight, as were all flights afterward.

"We're screwed!" H-band said. I was in New York and was calling for reassurance from him that when I returned to San Francisco our vacation would go off without a hitch.

"You're being so negative," I said.

"They can't treat you this way, you are a 1K member! Did you tell them that?"

"Yes, hun. I did."

I arrived at JFK, hoping to make it out of the East Coast with no delays. I would land at SFO, sleep a few hours, and then go back to sit on standby for the flight I wanted. I got home, surprisingly, just 90 minutes later than expected. Still H-band was tense.

"Did you ask at the airport if we could get on an earlier flight?" he said. I had promised that once I got to JFK I would go to the Red Carpet Club, where I am a member, and ask about getting on an earlier flight. Supposedly Club Members get booking/re-booking services as a perk of club membership. I've used it many times in San Francisco. I approached the lone rep at the club and asked if she could assist me.

"No," she said.

"But isn't this one of the services provided for club members?" I asked.

"It's a courtesy if there are several people behind the desk," she said. "But I'm the only one here." She didn't have much else distracting her. I was the only person in the Club.

"I can't believe they treated you that way!" H-band said, when I explained why I didn't ask about re-booking." You are a Red Carpet Member.

"And a 1K," I said.

We called United at midnight, since one rep had told me I only needed to call the same day as the flight I wanted, though others said I couldn't call more than 3 hours before. We figured we'd hedge our bets; with me being a 1K member and all, someone might make nebulous these rules in my favor. Our worst fears were confirmed. All flights that day were booked. There was no chance of getting on an earlier flight. I asked about flying into LAX or Orange County. To switch our one leg would mean that we would still have to pay the $2,200 to re-book the other flights.

H-band was mouthing angrily while I spoke with the Customer Service Rep:

"Fine," he said. "We won't show up for that leg. We'll rent a car."

I told the rep that's what we planned to do.

"You'll lose all of the other legs of your trip then," she said.

I hung up dejected. H-band couldn't believe I didn't fight them.

"You think you could do better?" I said, handing him the phone. "Call them!"

He called and explained the problem for the umpteenth time. When he was told what we'd been told already, that we would have to pay $2,200 to change one leg of our flight, he reminded them of my status, and that I would not continue to fly on United if they didn't work with us. So drastic, I thought. But then, I have been continuously disappointed with United over slights. Perhaps this needed to happen.

They agreed to not charge us market rates for the other legs of the flight. We paid $300 to cancel the one leg of our flight, then another $300 to book a flight to San Diego on Southwest. I felt icky shelling $600 bucks for a booking error, but at least we saw our families.

My Red Carpet Club membership is up in January. Thinking if I should renew.  

   

Dispatches from the Monaco Media Forum

This was my second year of klatsching with leaders in the media technology space. This event is a personal luxury, and not just because it's in Monte-Carlo, though that helps. It's also a place where I get to take two steps back and look at the emerging view of new media.

There definitely were some highlights:

--Tina Brown was interviewed by Larry Kramer about her foray into new media, The Daily Beast. This was a big deal for me because I got my career start in print and have always respected her work. Now, here she was, a newcomer in this space. She was asked if she would go back if she was offered a chi-chi print job again. She said no--online is where it's at.

I asked her about a comment she had made on the Colbert Report: something about the Web freeing her to do what she couldn't get away with in print. I thought that was a curious statement, as I've found blogging puts your writing under an even finer microscope. While more voices can be heard, more voices can be heard commenting, correcting, and taking issue with what you say.

Over breakfast with Tina and her General Manager Caroline Marks, I learned what she really meant by that. Tina loves to make changes at the last minute, and get scoops without worrying about losing them. The Web is so much more immediate. While 10,000-word pieces in The New Yorker provide depth, the Web provides immediacy and instant connection to audience. These things are just what freak out most print editors, especially ones that built their careers on print, but she embraces the user on the Web.

My favorite content: Not my session I'm afraid. We suffered from panelitis--too many panelists. By the time we got through with introducing ourselves there was scant time for questions. And I wanted to sit with all of them and talk shop. At least I got to learn about some pretty cool projects:

Amra Tareen, allvoices
Reggie Brandford, Vitrue
Hans Peter Brondmo, Plum
Johan Pouwelse, Tribler
Sadato Tanaka, Enigmo

And our moderator, John Clippinger, of the Berkman Center at Harvard

I think there was one picture taken of me--the only proof I have of attending this year

I'm fighting jet lag at this point. Thanks, eirikso, for the proof.

I took copious notes during Jeffrey Cole's State of the Mediasphere keynote. Some key takeaways:

• "Old media" doesn't disappear; it adapts. Think radio after television was invented; it created partnerships that allowed it to remain relevant. Movie studios learned to monetize in other ways when people stopped going to movie theaters. TV may be challenged with moving ad budget, but it will explode in growth as it moves content online.
• The average household spends $260 per month on services that didn't exist just a few years ago. And wealth doesn't determine usage; the poorest households still spend $180 a month.
• There are three ways to get content: 1) steal it--not viable; 2) make it fee-based, which only works for the most premium, proprietary content; and 3)advertising--now accepted as the price for free content. But if your ads don't work, the public will tell you. (My addition: so now the key is to create better ways of advertising and engagement.)

Social highlights: Wine tasting, BTYB Accel Partners, who shipped over top California wines, along with wine educators in the Napa region (They had one of my favorites, Chapellet) and dinner at the Hotel de Paris--the reason why, this year, I brought a dress. I made a major gaffe last year when I interpreted "Business Casual" to mean what it does in Palo Alto. In Monaco it means not Black Tie, but step it up, nonetheless.

The place was gawrgeous.

Photo by hebig

Lawrence Lessig of Stanford Law School won the Monaco Media Forum Prize, given by His Serene Highness, Prince Albert II.

Rodrigo Sepulveda Schulz of VPOD TV took this shot.

I caught up with some folks I know:

• Mariana Danilovic: My Monaco buddy. A woman who epitomizes girl in tech. Likes shoes, likes geeking out on business models.
• Kevin Welsh of Antics Digital Marketing. I met him and his lovely wife last year.
• Jason Goldberg: The dynamo who brought you Jobster and is now knee-deep in his latest adventure socialmedian
• Dina Kaplan, Blip.TV COO and Co-founder. I always like seeing her!
• Auren Hoffman, Rapleaf--Since 2000 I've seen Auren just about everywhere, a side effect of working for start-ups in the Valley and at one time living blocks away from each other. He makes Monaco feel like home. Auren, gimme another study I can cite about women on the Web!
• Randall Rothenberg, Interactive Advertising Bureau. No conference that looks at the state of the digital advertising world is complete without this man. Pick. His. Brain.
• Lisa Sounio of Dopplr, along with her entrepreneur husband. Someone who will make the fun if she isn't having it. (Loved the tie!)
• Dave Sifry, Offbeat Guides: Dave talked about his latest endeavor which actually has a PRINT component. Think print on demand meets travel search. Too cool.
• Jennifer Schenker, Businessweek. We met earlier this year in Greece. I love that things are heating up in Europe.
• Spencer Reiss, Wired contributing Editor, and the guy who made the program possible. Nice work! Being a programming Chair is alot like herding cattle, isn't it?
• Alexis Maybank, Alexandra Wilson, Gilt Groupe. I met Alexandra in New York earlier this year and still insist their luxury shopping club would go over like chocolate at BlogHer. They announced their new CEO, Susan Lyne, earlier this year.
• Jamie Kantrowitz, MySpace, UK
• Esther Dyson, always challenging the status quo, and not letting the Facebook person steal the floor.
• Jack Myers: The one and only. My latest post went up while we were in Monaco.
• Nancy Cruikshank of Videojug. Always interesting to talk to her about the business of video content in the UK.

And some new people:

• Jonas Nordlund, Digital Image, SA: Superentrepreneur. He indulged me as I asked countless questions about what it's like to live in Monaco.
• Johnathan Medved, Vringo: A serendipitous connection, as we both were up at 4:30 a.m. to catch our flight from Nice. Great travel conversation about life in Jerusalem (his, not mine), families, the economy, my experience as a Shabbas Goy...
• Simon Waldman of Guardian Media Group
• Dan Scheinman and Danielle Barbieri of Cisco Media Solutions. Cool people who are local! We chatted on the way to the hotel about Cisco's blogging/enterprise publishing solution
• Larry Kramer, Polaris Ventures, (founder of MarketWatch).
• Richard Greenfield of Pali Capital: I saw RIchard when he moderated a panel with MySpace's Chris DeWolfe last year. This year we got to chat briefly.

A lot for 36 hours.

My time in the Burbs: An Anthropological Study

I've been on the East Coast this week on business and decided to stay at my sister and brother in law's place this weekend. Since late Friday morning my life has been very different than it usually is.

Typical Friday afternoon:

I go to a workout class with Britt Bravo. I come home, shower, go to dinner with my husband, watch a movie. Fall asleep around midnight.

This Friday afternoon:

I go with my sister to pick up her kids from Day care. It's the last day of "summer camp," the last hurrah for my 5-year-old niece, Bella, before she starts kindergarten next week. Bella is fully ensconced in what I can only describe as a pre-schooler's rave: Very loud music has been pumped onto the playground, and a man is blowing up and tying balloons, which become swords and glowsticks. Some run over my feet; some come by to chat.

"Are you Bella's Gramma?"
"No. I'm her mother's sister. I'm her aunt."
"Oh."

We pick up her two year old and let Bella dance a while longer. Then we do the "loading," when we put the kids in their respective car seats.

"Bastian, hold my hand! Hold my hand! Hold my hand! Hold my hand!"
"Bastian, listen to Aunt Jory ... Hold her hand ... hold her hand ... hold her hand."
"(Screaming) My Hannah Montana pencil! It fell! I need my Hannah Montana pencil! Pick up my Hanna Montana pencil Aunt Jory!!!!"
"Jor, do you need help strapping her in?"
"(fumbling) No I got it (fumbling). I got it."
"Here let me ... "(click)

As we drive, we start to socialize the concept of dinner. Julie says to me sotto voce: "I think we should take them to the D-I-N-E-R."

"Where to, kids?"
"Dinah! Dinah!" says the 2 year old.
"Nera! Nera!" says the 5 year old?
"You don't want to go to Panera, do you?"
"Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!"
"Nera, Nera!" says the two year old.
"Guess we'll go to Panera."

Bastian gets a grilled cheese.

"Jor, would you cut his sandwich up a bit?"
"Sure." I start cutting Bastian's sandwich into squares.
"Mama!" Bella yells. "She's cutting too much!" I realize that I've created too many pieces as the two year old starts to scream and cry.
"It's OK, Jor," my sister says. "You didn't know." She tries to reason with Bastian that the sandwich tastes just as good in six pieces as it does in three. We end up eating most of his sandwich.

I fell asleep at 7:30 while watching Diego.

Typical Saturday:

I wake up, make breakfast with my husband. He goes on a hard core bike ride (the kind I don't join him on) while I work. We reconvene in the afternoon, go shopping, make dinner, and go out to a movie.

This Saturday:

There's a child in my room. I realize people have been up hours. My sister negotiates breakfast:
"Bastian, you want toast?"
"No."
"Yogurt drink?"
"Ya?"
"This one?"
"No!"
"This one?"
"No!"
"What do you want then?"
"Toast."

My sister and brother-in-law get the kids dressed and ready for their weekly hour at the gym. Julie says that this is a good time for her to get in a workout and a shower while the kids are being watched. I opt not to go--I've only just read a few of the posts about the Palin nomination and want to catch up on email. I also want to workout, but since I didn't pack running shoes, and my sister is wearing hers, I decide to flip channels and watch The Dead Zone--the original--instead. Man, it's good.

I hear a voice from upstairs. My sister is showered and exercised.

"You coming with us to lunch?"
"Duhhhhhhhhh ..."
"Ten minutes."

We go to the Diner this time. Bastian has a chocolate milk, a grilled cheese and a side of cottage cheese. He's had some rather interesting BMs these days, so mom wants to keep him away from fruit. I wonder how a kid can consume so much dairy and not have weird BMs. Bella opts for blueberry pancakes and cottage cheese. I offer to cut them for her, but she shoos me away and opts to stab them into a syruppy paste.

"Watch your elbows, Bella," Julie says. Her bowl of cottage cheese looks vulnerable.
"Bastian sit!"
"Bell, your aunt said she didn't want any. Stop touching her face."
"Drink diss, An-Jory!"
"No thank you, Sweetie.

"Bastian sit down!"
"No picking! Keep your fingers out of there. Don't touch your aunt!" Bella's fingers are sticky and wet.
"Bastian sit down!"
"Bella no!"

The dish of cottage cheese crashes to the floor.

My sister cleans up the short people while my brother in law pays the bill. We decide on a strategy of efficiency: Julie and Chris will go into Trader Joes. Chris will shop, Julie will make sure Bella does not run into anything. I opt to watch over Bastian, who's fallen asleep in his car seat. It's a perfect time to check Twitter feeds on the Palin nomination.

We go home and I fall asleep.

"Jor, you up?" my sister says. "The kids have a swim lesson, if you want to go."

I think, this might be my chance to get some fresh air. I'm getting ready whey the kids' babysitter and swim coach, Michelle arrives. Michelle is a college student and former competitive swimmer. The kids come out in these mini wetsuits.

"What's all this?"
"They're SPF 50."
"Is this what they wear these days?"
"Ummmm, yeah."
"Bella's wearing shoes."
"Swimming shoes."

Despite changing Bastian before Michelle arrived, he has what my sister calls a "Blowout" in his pants. Chris opts to leave for the pool with Bella and Michelle. I stay behind and will go to the pool with Julie and Bastian. We clean him up and strap him into the Touareg.

"I don't know where the pool is," Julie says.
"You kidding?"
"Hey, I don't normally drive! I don't pay attention."

God we're similar.

Julie backs out of the garage--CRASH!

"Omigod!"
"What was that?"
"Wha wa da Mama?"
"That must be Michelle's car! Oh God! What was I thinking? Oh God, oh God, oh God."

I get out and take a look. There's some damage to my sister's SUV, but Michelle's car has sustained much more damage. The back end of the car is completely dented.

"What have I done? What have I done?"
"Julie let's go. We'll tell her at the pool."

On the way there my sister relives the event:

"I had SEEN her car before I got in the car, what was I thinking? What have I done!"
"Just make sure that she gets a rental so that she can fix this."
"She's in college. This is such an inconvenience for her."
"Just make sure she's got that rental covered."
"Chris will kill me. He'll kill me."
"Where's the pool?" We've been driving down one road for a while.
"Omigod, am I going the right way?' My sister sounds desperate. "Bastian, Sweetie, where's the pool?"
"Dat way!" He points to the right.
"Oh God, I knew I went too far." My sister flips a U-turn.
"Did you just ask your two-year-old for directions?"
"Bastian, should Mommy keep going this way?"
"Yah."

God we're similar.

Bastian guided us to the pool.

I hang out on the kiddie end, where the water is not even a foot deep. It just seems more manageable over there.

My gripes to United Airlines

Sometimes I feel guilty bitching about my various issues while traveling. Traveling is, for many, a privilege, though when you do it often you sometimes lose your sense of awe over the way the airline industry works. And now that three major carriers are going to be grounding flights due to the rising price of oil, including the one I use most, United, things are only going to get worse. But rather than piss and moan I'm opting to be pro-active and tell my carrier EXACTLY what would make me happy.

How to make this United customer happy (other airlines should also take note):

• Don't make it so goshdanged impossible to use my miles. Currently I've got over 120,000 of them and nowhere to go. Think I want to waste them on first class for a domestic flight? That isn't first class, that's coach with food included. But I've only a fraction of the time been able to use them for international upgrades and free economy flights.


• Make it easy to transfer miles to your so-called partners. I was told that I couldn't do this when I booked an international United flight and was routed through "Star Alliance" partner Lufthansa. Then, the day of the flight I asked a Lufthansa representative and was told that I could have used my United miles if I had notified them in advance and receive a voucher in the mail that I could present in person. I called you to see if you would rectify the situation, and you told me that you couldn't because I hadn't notified you 10 business days before my flight. In any event, it would have been nice to have known the truth when I needed it, and to have been able to make this happen online.


• Make the club rooms more exclusive--not waiting rooms with free coffee. I once spent a few hours in a Virgin airways lounge in London, and while I find it unlikely that United will suddenly come up with the budget to offer me a free manicure while I wait for my flight, some real food would be nice, not the cheap vending machine food you provide. Worth 45,000 miles or $600 a year? I hardly think so. Lufthansa supplied all customers--coach or otherwise--with free coffee in their terminal at the Munich airport, and people conducted themselves like humans, taking just what they needed. And they can still manage to afford monitors in every seat.


• If you are going to insist on Buy on Board, have more options. Back when you served meals, you used to offer up vegetarian and vegan options. Why can't you offer these up when we actually pay for our meals? I'd actually pay more than $5 for them, though I hesitate to admit it.


• Have enough baggage space to accommodate one carry-on per customer. Nothing sucks more than boarding a flight you packed for strategically to avoid the baggage claim, and then having to check your bag anyway. At the very least, guarantee the folks that had to check their carry-ons they will get their bags off the belt first.