Pause

The Secrets to Getting into United's Global Services Program Revealed

Funny how some P&M (pissing and moaning) gets you traffic.

Soon after writing about my United Airlines encounter, when I was told by a UA employee the criteria for getting Global Services status on UA were unknown to him, I've received a whole lotta support from readers, helping me to find out. What surprised me were emails from frequent fliers, even a reporter covering the airline beat, asking me to share if I found out how to get into this exclusive loyalty program. Could this info really be THAT proprietary?

I was enlightened by Nicole Simon's suggestion to go check out FlyerTalk, an online community for frequent fliers, where many of the deep mysteries of loyalty programs are discussed and sometimes even unearthed. I was somewhat shocked by the fury with which some of these members respond to people like myself and John Battelle, who like to P&M about their airline loyalty programs. Apparently, there is a class of people much more sophisticated and informed in the ways of the Mileage Plus Program than us mere mortals. Those of us who resist the force are struck down with their unintelligible abbreviations and acronyms. One example of a question posed by a 1K member:

It seems amazingly difficult for me to get a confirmed SWU upgrade seat on international flights at booking time. Since S, T,K, and L seats can't upgrade on SWUs to use them you have to buy a more expensive ticket ... I wonder if UAs fuller flights will make up for the loss of revenue from people like me who may be paying less than before to get STKL tickets since I can't confirm the upgrade and don't want to take the chance of paying a high fare and still ending up in Y.

And some answers:

United inventory is not trying to get you to buy a W instead of an S. They are trying to get you to buy a C instead of a W and hoping for an upgrade ... Based on my limited experience, I would say that experimenting with other airlines is not going to increase your chances of upgrades from Y to C.

With all of the problems with UA and their product, the only thing they really have going for them is the liberal upgrade policy. I can't think of any other airline that hands out upgrades on intl'l flights like UA - certainly no foreign carrier...Having said that, yes things have gotten tighter. A lot of it is due to higher paid loads in intl C cabins. I tried to buy a seat BKK-LAX on 11/18, but it wasl all zeroed out in C/D/Z buckets from BKK to NRT. I was also looking at LAX-NRT on 12/7. Same thing. Go figure...

But there is no doubt that UA IM is getting more stingy when there are fairly light loads also...I guess they have figured out that a large percentage of 1K's are willing to wait up until the gate for their Y>C upgrade...Now, if only they had a C/F product worth paying for.

One user lauds the receipt of his 2010 "GS Packet" in the mail with such pride you'd think he/she got into Harvard. Lordy I'm afraid to go back and see if I've sullied my name in the bowels of the discussion threads. There seems to be a particular disdain for people with delusions of grandeur who blog their discontent hoping the airlines will treat them better than everyone else. One thing is clear to me here. The "real" MP members know the rules and take their lumps when they don't get upgraded. Money talks.

What also surprised me is that while I consider myself a fairly particular and oftentimes petty frequent flier, I'm virginesque. New to this world of openly discussing my frequent flyer status, which I may not do until I speak Mileage Plus (MP). Consider me a permanent lurker.

My husband scoured a few websites and found some educated conjecture that GS membership was likely the result of purchasing many full-freight business or first-class fares. Or just spending a whole lotta money with United. So OK, I'm the coach upgrade Queen. When I recently sat in business class next to a woman who insisted her seat be changed because she was sitting too close to a loud food heater and "paid $1,500 for this seat!" I thought to myself, SUCK-AAAAHHHH!" OK so maybe I get the crappiest seats in business, but I paid a third of the price for them. I suppose I do not fit the profile of the "fit to be in Global Services" customer.

Still, I spoke with someone I know who has been a Global Services member on and off for years. "Some years I'm in, and some I'm not," he said. "I think this year I was downgraded to 1K." He shared that one year he appealed to United, when it became clear that his firm's senior partners' frequent flying, often at full-freight rates, still wasn't tipping the balance into Global Services membership. For his efforts his partners were upgraded, but he was not.

I am particularly grateful for this note by a United Airlines employee, who shared with me the goods:

The short of it is, you have to spend a lot of money on United. Roughly the top 1% of elites in a given year are invited to become a GS. Since what it takes to be in the top 1% changes from year to year, that's why the criteria aren't published and why it's considered "invite only". Occasionally, other people who are very important to United are given GS status, but that's only a few, probably a couple hundred at most. The other few thousand spent their way there. The GS qualification standards also "mileage run proof" in that you can't game the system by taking a bunch of long cheap trips to get GS status.

Why does this level exist? It provides services above and beyond 1K. 1K's are mainly concerned with upgrades. However, to get to be a GS, you have to BUY first or business class on a regular basis (usually on international flights), therefore, upgrades are less important. GS's have a "concierge" service that they can call at any time. They also have special lounges and check-in areas in United hubs.

How much do you have to spend to be a GS? Well, like I said it changes from year to year and I'm not allowed to tell you anyway, but look up what a first class ticket to Asia costs and do a couple of those, then you're in the ballpark of what it takes.

So now I really know that I'm not GS material.

Ironically I am writing this en route to JFK on a Virgin America flight. I had to book last-minute and the United fares were cost-prohibitive. I am loving the wireless, the food on demand, and the general lack of administrative baggage associated with this airline.

I'm told wireless is FINALLY available on all JFK/SFO United flights. Hallelujah! But given my start-up travel budget, I might have to stray a bit more.

The Secret Handshake I Still Don't Know at United Airlines

I fly a lot on business. A lot. A couple of years ago I started actively flying on United because it's a major airline at my local airport, SFO, and it flies regularly to the cities I fly to most often: New York and Chicago. And I started doing the math and realized I wasn't doing myself any favors by constantly changing my airline and finding myself booked in the back of the plan, next to the bathrooms, every time.

I'm not sure what my total miles are for this year, but as of this date I've amassed about 240,000 miles and 40 upgrade segments. This is my balance after paying 45,000 miles for a Red Carpet Club membership and spending some of my segments on upgrades. If the demand for upgrades by other frequent fliers were not a factor, I would get to upgrade to business or first class every time I fly.

This year, despite my "1K" status, which I love to throw around when I want something from United (like a guaranteed upgrade) there are some things that still elude me. Even when I book well in advance, I get upgraded to business or first class maybe 50 percent of the time. And about 40 percent of the times that I do get upgraded, it's on a plane with what I call "lame first class"--an antiquated model that only affords bennies like a slightly wider seat and no charge for a snack box (the flight attendant even pre-opens it for me, so I don't break a nail trying to get the plastic off.) Despite the claims that some flights have wireless, I have yet to experience one, and only a handful of planes have charging outlets (and of the ones that do I need to contort myself like a Cirque du Soleil performer to reach it, feeling under my seat for the two indiscriminate holes where an outlet is rumored to be.)

Needless to say I have been disappointed in my United 1K membership, despite having flown with them an estimated 40 times this year (and about 120 times over the past 3 years), including international trips that required connecting legs on partner airlines that didn't always honor my miles (or made it difficult to redeem them), dinky puddle-jumping legs from one of their hub airports, and the standard flights to New York or Chicago.

I'll say upfront I'm not always loyal to United. Our office manager won't book me on it if I'm not flying their more common routes and have to pay a small salary to stick with them. I've flown Delta to Florida, Atlanta, and Cincinnati, which saved me time and money. I've flown Southwest to LA, San Diego, Phoenix, and Las Vegas and see no reason why I should pay more for these quick jaunts. But still, I would say I qualify as a loyal United customer because I fly them most often.

So imagine my surprise today, as I'm checking into my flight from JFK to SFO, when I ask the attendant at the check in counter what my chances are of getting upgraded:

"You are fourth on the list."

"Really. Do you think my chances are good?"

"Mmm depends. You have two other 1Ks and a Global Services member ahead of you."

I've heard of "Global Services" and see that these folks get preference over 1Ks, but I've never been sure why.

I ask the attendant, "What does it take to be a Global Services member?"

"You have to be invited."

"REALLY! And what does it take to be invited?"

"I really don't know, ma'am."

I could feel the surface of the soapbox materialize under my feet. You have to be INVITED into this club? And the criteria isn't public? Naturally, I don't take this as a final answer.

"C'mon, you must really know: Do I need a certain number of miles?"

"I don't know, ma'am."

"Do you need to spend a certain amount of money?"

"Again ma'am, I don't really know."

"Do you need to be deemed important somehow?"

The attendant shrugged his shoulders, and with this gesture I backed off. I told him,

"I'm going to find out why I haven't been invited to be a Global Services member. Mark my words."

And I say to all of you. A gal who has built a business grounded in meritocracy: Mark. My. Words.

My gripes to United Airlines

Sometimes I feel guilty bitching about my various issues while traveling. Traveling is, for many, a privilege, though when you do it often you sometimes lose your sense of awe over the way the airline industry works. And now that three major carriers are going to be grounding flights due to the rising price of oil, including the one I use most, United, things are only going to get worse. But rather than piss and moan I'm opting to be pro-active and tell my carrier EXACTLY what would make me happy.

How to make this United customer happy (other airlines should also take note):

• Don't make it so goshdanged impossible to use my miles. Currently I've got over 120,000 of them and nowhere to go. Think I want to waste them on first class for a domestic flight? That isn't first class, that's coach with food included. But I've only a fraction of the time been able to use them for international upgrades and free economy flights.


• Make it easy to transfer miles to your so-called partners. I was told that I couldn't do this when I booked an international United flight and was routed through "Star Alliance" partner Lufthansa. Then, the day of the flight I asked a Lufthansa representative and was told that I could have used my United miles if I had notified them in advance and receive a voucher in the mail that I could present in person. I called you to see if you would rectify the situation, and you told me that you couldn't because I hadn't notified you 10 business days before my flight. In any event, it would have been nice to have known the truth when I needed it, and to have been able to make this happen online.


• Make the club rooms more exclusive--not waiting rooms with free coffee. I once spent a few hours in a Virgin airways lounge in London, and while I find it unlikely that United will suddenly come up with the budget to offer me a free manicure while I wait for my flight, some real food would be nice, not the cheap vending machine food you provide. Worth 45,000 miles or $600 a year? I hardly think so. Lufthansa supplied all customers--coach or otherwise--with free coffee in their terminal at the Munich airport, and people conducted themselves like humans, taking just what they needed. And they can still manage to afford monitors in every seat.


• If you are going to insist on Buy on Board, have more options. Back when you served meals, you used to offer up vegetarian and vegan options. Why can't you offer these up when we actually pay for our meals? I'd actually pay more than $5 for them, though I hesitate to admit it.


• Have enough baggage space to accommodate one carry-on per customer. Nothing sucks more than boarding a flight you packed for strategically to avoid the baggage claim, and then having to check your bag anyway. At the very least, guarantee the folks that had to check their carry-ons they will get their bags off the belt first.

Three Reasons Why I Will Still Fly JetBlue

My latest on the Fast Company Blog. Yes, I like to complain. Yes, I will still fly Jet Blue. Why? Because when something really works, customers will actually stick around when it breaks. Not forever, of course, but for a while.

Special Offer: Mediocrity Plus!

I just got an email today from United, one of many airlines with whom I've opened a frequent flyer account. The email introduced a new United Product: Economy Plus Access:

New Economy Plus Access^SM allows you to enjoy the extra legroom in United's Economy Plus® section for one year. You can use Economy Plus Access to reserve your seat at the time of booking—using any fare—on all domestic and international United®, United Express®* and Ted^SM flights.

Now I'm one of those sit-in-the-back suffering types that accepts my lot; I get on the plane and go to the seat I'm assigned without trying to finagle a window seat, or to sit with B-friend, to avoid the middle, etc. I've never traded my many miles for a first class ticket, because for me getting there is more important than how. Being short, I'll always fit in whatever seat; though I'll never fully fall asleep or be totally comfortable on an airplane. So be it.

Mileage upgrades have made the crowd more uppity; they give us a taste of conspicuous consumption. A dear friend once upgraded me on a Virgin Airlines flight to "Upper Class" so I could sit with him. I had a manicure in the VIP area, signed up for a full body massage onboard (though, since I was an "upgrade"--a poseur, if you will, and not a true blood-- I only made it to the waiting list). I didn't have to wait to eat, drink, piss, or watch a movie. When the seatbelt sign was off we were invited to the bar in the middle of the section. I sat there on a stool, eating cheese puffs and rueing the descent back down to reality.

If you have miles, some of my friends argue, you'd be a fool for not cashing them in. Room up front for an extra $75? Where do I sign up? These people value additional service and legroom far more than I do. Don't get me wrong--I would love to fly first class, but I'm not sure what my income or mileage account threshold should be when I can consider myself deserving of it. When it comes to traveling, I'm like my grandmother, who still buys cheap white bread and the generic version of everything, even though she could buy the good stuff. She grew up with a Depression mentality that she's kept into her 80s. I suppose I've experienced my own Depression of sorts--when I did anything, save sell myself to get from Point A to B. I've done planes/trains/automobiles/camels to get where I needed to go affordably. It's like I'm still backpacking in Europe, and no one's told me that I've hit 30 years of age, when you stop shlepping and start paying for comfort and convenience.

I've been beaten down by Economy Class, I suppose, and stopped learning to expect traveling to be pleasant. I expect my shoulders to hurt from carrying a backpack I've stuffed past capacity (to avoid the baggage claim). I expect to be disheveled from having stripped myself of my shoes, belt, jacket and jewelry onto the security belt to avoid the rush of travelers behind me, who must dress entirely in Velcro because they always seem to get dressed more quickly than I do. I expect security folk to scream behind me, "Ma'am you forgot your boarding pass, and what appears to be the last bite of a Clif Bar!" because I've got too many odds and ends to coordinate. I expect to pay exorbitantly for a stale bagel and bad coffee (the Starbucks line being too long, I'd miss my flight if I waited). I'm used to being herded, checked, and seated, and to ask for help from someone who can a) lift my overpacked bag and b) reach the overhead bin. I'm getting used to "real food" being extra, and the numbness I get in my feet that are wedged along the sides of the bag I stuffed in the foot compartment in front of me. I'm used to getting 3 oz of Diet Sprite and 3oz of ice and wondering why the attendant couldn't sacrifice the whole can. I'm used to mediocre----LESS THAN MEDIOCRE--when I travel, which is why this offer from United struck me.

Do We Work to Live? Or Do We Work for Health Insurance?

My latest rant on BlogHer (and my mother's): The Joy of Health Insurance, or lack of it, or working in order to afford it, take your pick.

Another take on Dell Customer Service

It's been way too long since I've griped about Dell. I won't beat a dead horse, but I will publish a comment I received on a previous post about Dell's abysmal customer service--this time it's not another commiserator but someone from Dell Customer Service, from what I can tell, an outsourced CS rep from India, or a rep in America who works for an outsourcer. He offers some insight into the poor service issue. I quote verbatim, as if somehow leaving in all of the typos will add to the veracity of the quote:

"what you dont realize is that you never talked to "dell" per say . you talked to an outsourcer. if you want good ...well half way decent tech support buy under a biz gose stright to an american who is being trested like they work in india. not the best but at least we speak english. also you have to realize that most of us just want to get back at someone because our company "not dell" is screwing us over in overtime and the like. so half way decent support only comes from biz account service tell them your a company and you will get a peedoff american getting paid the same thing a food service worker makes even though we are the ones that have way more knowledge the you ever will. conclusion its not dell its the outsourcers (unable to give names as dell and outsourcer will sue the living heck out of me)

I can deduce from this note that people calling under business services get a higher level of service, but apparently not much. To me, the value in this missive is understanding that, while Dell needs to take a hard look at who it employs as an outsourcer and shame on them, there are other issues at play here. Subtle and more obvious manipulations on the part of the outsourcers.

Just another angle on the issue..."peedoff americans?"

Stolen Identity 2.0

I used to be a fairly regular cyclist. When I was a Freshman in college I blew my savings to buy a supercool hybrid mountain bike, the cost of which I won't reveal, since it's a drop in the bucket compared to what real fanatics like b-friend like to spend on bikes.

The point is, I spent a disproportionate amount of my savings on this thing. I bought it the summer I was home from school and kept it in my parents' garage. I rode it every day for hours.

One morning, three weeks into my affair with my new bike, my mother woke me up with a consoling look in her eyes.

"It's gone, Baby." she said.

Immediately I knew what she was talking about. I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to confirm what she was telling me. Everything else in the garage was where it had been left, but there was an empty space where my bike used to be. I learned that, while the garage door couldn't be opened from outside the house, the lock on the side door had been broken. No one ever went in or out of the garage that way, and no one had ever broken in the 15 years we'd lived there, so my parents never fixed it; they just put things up against the door to thwart entry.

I was secretly furious at my dad for never fixing the door--and for not filing a claim with his insurance; he didn't want to part with a deductible. But I was also grief stricken. I went to the police station every day to see if my bike had been found. I would have taken it back, even if it had been painted over or damaged. Just as bothered as I was about the bike being stolen was the way it had been stolen. Whoever stole it must have been watching me those weeks I'd been riding it. They'd seen me placing it carefully back in the garage, wiping off any dirt on the frame like it was a Picasso. This was not a disembodied theft. This person knew I loved the bike.

I suppose the feeling is not unlike the one I'm experiencing now--as a victim of Identity Theft. All this talk in the Social Media world about protecting and consolidating identity and all of the cool tools that make it easier for us to do business online. And yet, I'm still worried about the offline worlds. I still wonder if we are equipped to deal with the issue of stolen identity, when the greed and callousness that are behind these crimes seem to have become an accepted aspect of a wired society.

Chase Visa: Quit Harassing Me!

The sick saga continues...

Last month, I wrote about a fun little surprise I found in my mailbox--and no, it wasn't from the Publishers' Clearinghouse. It was my quarterly credit report, and the first indication that some schmuck has been traipsing about Pacific Heights using a credit card in my name.

Needless to say, if I ever find out who has rung up (now) $8,700 in my name I will press charges. But what can I do to Chase, the banking behemoth who has handled this rather big mishap by criminalizing me instead of figuring out how their system failed?

The Corporate Shit List: Placing my Indentity in the Oh-So-Incapable Hands of Chase

Someone is joyriding around San Francisco, carrying a credit card with my name on it.

I found this out over the weekend, when I returned home after being with my family for two weeks. B-friend kindly collected my mail--bills, ads, fluff, and my quarterly credit statement. I've subscribed to this credit report service for the painstakingly anal retentive since last year, when I lost my wallet and found it with my cash missing.

"You never know," my girlfriend said, "you should probably have your cards traced, just in case." In this violated, emotional state I agreed to plunk down $4.99 every quarter to receive a listing of every credit card I've ever owned, any loan or apartment rental. I don't bother to read all of the hairy details--I just read the first page, which offers a thermometer graph showing my credit score and where it lines up with other credit owners. Every quarter my score is stellar.

This time, however, my stomach dropped. My score had dipped 80 points. I take pride in my creditworthiness and began to panic. What in God's name happened?