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The #1 Condition for Global Domination: Have Soft Skills

Saluting all of you who have been insulting each other from my Dell Hell comments section.

This was originally posted on BlogHer.org.

Another take on Dell Customer Service

It's been way too long since I've griped about Dell. I won't beat a dead horse, but I will publish a comment I received on a previous post about Dell's abysmal customer service--this time it's not another commiserator but someone from Dell Customer Service, from what I can tell, an outsourced CS rep from India, or a rep in America who works for an outsourcer. He offers some insight into the poor service issue. I quote verbatim, as if somehow leaving in all of the typos will add to the veracity of the quote:

"what you dont realize is that you never talked to "dell" per say . you talked to an outsourcer. if you want good ...well half way decent tech support buy under a biz gose stright to an american who is being trested like they work in india. not the best but at least we speak english. also you have to realize that most of us just want to get back at someone because our company "not dell" is screwing us over in overtime and the like. so half way decent support only comes from biz account service tell them your a company and you will get a peedoff american getting paid the same thing a food service worker makes even though we are the ones that have way more knowledge the you ever will. conclusion its not dell its the outsourcers (unable to give names as dell and outsourcer will sue the living heck out of me)

I can deduce from this note that people calling under business services get a higher level of service, but apparently not much. To me, the value in this missive is understanding that, while Dell needs to take a hard look at who it employs as an outsourcer and shame on them, there are other issues at play here. Subtle and more obvious manipulations on the part of the outsourcers.

Just another angle on the issue..."peedoff americans?"

10 Things to Do/Places to Visit while waiting for Dell Technical Support.

This list has been inspired by Jean, who thought to write to me while Waiting for Godot, or Dell Technical Support:

...The automated voice let me know that it may be 10 minutes for me to reach a technician.  It's now been 55 minutes and climbing.  While I was listening to the automated voice and annoying hold music, I realized that it may be quicker if I just contact them online.  Not one support area is working!  I've tried to log in, and it offers me an apology for not letting me in.  What is going on?!  It's amazing how quickly I could reach someone when I wanted to originally BUY the computer.  Now that I've purchased it and the 30 day trial period is up,  ... And to think, I paid for extra years of this "service."  I give up.  I'm hanging up and trying another day.  Please wish me luck!  Thanks for "listening."

Don't mention it Jean. I want the next time that you call Dell to be as productive as possible. We also want to spare your loved ones from talking you off the ledge. Here are some ideas of things to do/places to go while you wait for Dell Technical Support.

Dell 0; Jarvis 1

Way to go, Dell! What major media influencer do you plan to screw next? Rupert Murdoch? In an attempt to completely destroy its reputation via online flogging, Dell has now stuck it to uber-blogger Jeff Jarvis. Apparently Jarvis shelled out for the big four-year, in-home service package for his new computer and still found that he had to air-lift the damn thing to get it repaired. You know you've pissed off an uber blogger when you get him to use the F word in all caps and no quotes around it. Why don't the schmoes at Dell just chew up a lot of Gummy bears and start spitting them on people in East-Central Los Angeles? They'll get a much less painful ass-kicking than they are enduring on Jarvis' blog.

I'm not going to say I told you so; nope, not gonna. Not gonna remind people of the pain I endured at the hand of Dell customer service. Why drag all of you through it? Why? The PC behemoth thought that screwing with little fries like myself and ignoring our pipsqueak rants was just part of business as usual, and yet they didn't see that we were the breadcrumbs leading to the dynamite. KABOOM! That's corporate karma for you.

Both Jarvis and I purchased Inspiron 600m's. I wonder if we should start a support group. Thanks, Mom, for trolling the Internet on my behalf and even going offline--leaving me a message!--about this. That's grassroots activism for you.

Dell: The Movie; Bank Haters Unite and the Incompetence Known as Uninsured Auto Body Repairs

Lots to report on the Shit List front:

• There's been a great deal of re-verb regarding Dell since I wrote my gripe about them. I still receive letters from PO'ed people who made the unfortunate mistake of assuming that the company's sales and customer service centers were somehow in alignment. Little did they know...

But I'm not going to continue the rant, I will allow readers to do it for me, namely Jay, who recently became so frustrated by Dell customer service that he resorted to the ultimate means of exposure: videotape.

"...I changed tactics and videotaped my conversation with Dell's gatekeepers, even recorded, their frenetic, fear instilling hold music that would drive any g-d fearing man to take another man's life. The end result: I'm feeling quite good about myself right now."

I'm not entirely convinced that I want to review someone else becoming unglued by Dell Customer Service; it took me months to get over my own 1.5-hour elevator-music torture. But, Jay, if you managed to GET WHAT YOU WANTED out of the call, without getting off-topic and threatening to intercept anyone's H1B application--if you think it can serve as a model for getting the most out of bad computer customer service, get it online and send me the link. 

• I was also turned onto another link after my rant on banks; apparently BofA isn't the only cocky behemoth financial institution flailing desperately for incremental dollars while it's consumer business model sinks like the Titanic. US Bank also threatens to drown its steerage customers to accommodate its business clientele.

A reader who will only identify him/herself as "US Bank Victim" has turned me onto a place where people can connect, share US Bank horror stories, and become more educated on the common abuses of banks in general.

http://finance.groups.yahoo.com/group/usbank_complaints/

I only browsed a bit and saw some stories similar to mine--and some that were decidedly worse. Still, I leave it to you to decide for yourself the merits of this resource. If browsing relieves you of some of the unresolved agony and loss of consumer control, happy days. If it inspires you to get off your butt and write a letter, or take some (legally sanctioned) action, fabulous. If it inspires you to start your own bank catering specifically for small business customers, call me.

I've neglected to tell you where to send your Consumer Horror Stories. You can write your story as a comment, or send me your anecdote directly. Please remember the rules: I'll take stories of good experiences as well.

With housekeeping out of the way I can share a new story, the first one shared with me by kin--my older sister Jenna.

A Letter to Michael Dell

Dear Mr. Dell,

I've followed your illustrious career for a long time now--I even read your book!

I'm impressed by the way your company has revolutionized the customized, distribution model for such complex products as personal computers. Dell makes it easy for residential and business customers alike to compare features and determine the best product to fit our needs (I love those milk-gallon icons you guys use to illustrate the weight of the computers--very helpful for those of us who shlep their laptops with them wherever they go.)

I've worked at companies that praise your employee devotion and focus on development. From a business model and management perspective your company is at the fore.

I was so impressed by your company and how easy it was to buy my laptop that I ordered laptops for the small business I was staffing from Dell as well. I convinced my boyfriend to buy one. I've told everyone asking me who to buy from to log onto your site and place an order.

Now, I'm sorry that I did.

Through with Dell Technical Support

Gosh I'm not even a tech enthusiast, and I have two days'-worth of blogs devoted to my issues with technical support. Today it's Outlook. Or maybe my whole operating system. Friends have been taking pity on me and trying to help me fix my problems, but we came to a standstill last night. My dear friend Craig took a deep breath. I knew it would be bad.

"You have to call them," he said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. You'll have to call Dell." My stomach dropped.