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Encounters: People who don't live in "phases"

A very close friend insisted that I meet a woman she'd just met. She just had a feeling we'd get along. After many fits and starts--business trips, cancelled opportunites and challenges getting into the city at the same time--we finally managed to be in the same place at the same time. I'm all for serendipitous encounters, but I've made far less time for these encounters than I used to.

I recall the salad days of the Dot Com bomb, when we had plenty of time and nothing to lose from meeting people who may or may not be helpful to us. I met people on searches, some similar to my own, and could listen to them talk about their endeavors for the sake of listening. Years later, with a small business to help run, time was at a premium. I've learned a new skill lately of folding in these occasional encounters with official business meetings.

This friend of my friend's was traveling far out of her way to meet me. She'd moved to the Bay Area not long ago and had some challenges navigating suitable places to park in the city. I could have gone to her, I thought, feeling a tad guilty.

Over coffee (or an iced latte; it was a hot day) we talked about what we were up to. Clearly our mutual friend thought to put us together for a reason. I knew that my coffee date was working on her third book. I guessed that my friend hoped I would be a potential reviewer of it when it was ready, or could help her with a blog promotion strategy. As she spoke, I realized she hardly needed my help. She'd practiced medicine as an OB/Gyn for years, then decided to follow her passion for art. After creating a national following (she shows in galleries across the country), she thought to expand on her passion for writing. She is now working on her third book, which had received competing bids from multiple publishing houses. She didn't need my help with online promotion; her growing online community was thriving. She had a staff to help her maintain it. Three years ago she had  a daughter, and her husband, a Harvard MBA, had stopped working to explore his own possibilities and now spent his days at their home near the ocean.

I thought to myself, she has everything she wants. What can I possibly do for her? Perhaps, it became increasingly apparent to me, it was SHE who would help me.

Geeking Out: Is blogging wrecking marriages?

I'm on the East Coast for some Labor Day kicking back and will be staying out here on business. But last week in SF proved to be quite interesting. I sat on a panel with people I admire, including Rick Klau and Siobhan Quinn of Blogger, Blogger Founder and now Twitter Founder Ev Williams and his Twitter Co-Founder Biz Stone, Salon.com Co-Founder and author of Say Everything: How Blogging Began, What It's Becoming, and Why It Matters Scott Rosenberg, SocialVibe CEO (and Blogger partner) Joe Marchese, and geekblogger and often dead-on observationalist Louis Gray. The premise of the panel: A general discussion of the evolution of blogging, with Blogger's 10th anniversary as a time peg.

So what do a bunch of us bloggy/microbloggy types have to talk about? The press on the other end of the room had few, if any, questions. I think they (and Louis) wanted to hear more about the beginnings of Blogger from Williams and Stone. And the rest of us, who had built businesses and blogs around blogging, could provide commentary. I added some facts about how the role of blogging has evolved for women. Initially it seemed more a personal platform tool, or a journaling tool. And I still think that it is. But I've also seen it launch businesses for women, who grew their expertise on their blogs and built consultancies. Some launched book and blog-writing careers from their blogs. I've also seen another side effect, one that I can't confirm with data, but more one I've observed among women I read and who have attended the BlogHer Conference numerous times: personal empowerment.

It's not easy to describe, especially in this way, but I will try. I have met quite a few women and mothers who, after getting into their blogging, are getting divorced. One, a mother of two, told me quite plainly about her former spouse, "He couldn't take it. All that was happening because of my blog. He was no longer the big shot." In another instance with a mother of four, the blog didn't compete with the spouse, but it provided a means of expression, and an entryway to other women on the Web, who helped her to see that there was more to life, and that she could have more in a partner. (I didn't tell these stories on the panel; I cited some data from our Blogging benchmark study and mentioned that I've personally seen transformations that women have had as a result of their blogging, including in some cases divorce.)

"So then blogging is wrecking marriages?" Rick Klau joked I had to clarify, absolutely not. People wreck marriages.

But while we have a whole lot of data behind women's media migration patterns and usage of social media to show increased adoption, there's another effect, one no one has measured yet, that I'd like to explore. I'm sure someone like my sister Julie, a genderist and women's history professor, will one day uncover it (hint, hint). Here's my theory: This blogging thing has made us all more accountable. And if we've been living to half our potential, or are living half-truths, we can now see that unlived part of our lives out there, while sitting at the kitchen tables of the women we read, just talking.

Maybe that's fodder for Blogger's 15th birthday.