I'm on the East Coast for some Labor Day kicking back and will be staying out here on business. But last week in SF proved to be quite interesting. I sat on a panel with people I admire, including Rick Klau and Siobhan Quinn of Blogger, Blogger Founder and now Twitter Founder Ev Williams and his Twitter Co-Founder Biz Stone, Salon.com Co-Founder and author of Say Everything: How Blogging Began, What It's Becoming, and Why It Matters Scott Rosenberg, SocialVibe CEO (and Blogger partner) Joe Marchese, and geekblogger and often dead-on observationalist Louis Gray. The premise of the panel: A general discussion of the evolution of blogging, with Blogger's 10th anniversary as a time peg.
So what do a bunch of us bloggy/microbloggy types have to talk about? The press on the other end of the room had few, if any, questions. I think they (and Louis) wanted to hear more about the beginnings of Blogger from Williams and Stone. And the rest of us, who had built businesses and blogs around blogging, could provide commentary. I added some facts about how the role of blogging has evolved for women. Initially it seemed more a personal platform tool, or a journaling tool. And I still think that it is. But I've also seen it launch businesses for women, who grew their expertise on their blogs and built consultancies. Some launched book and blog-writing careers from their blogs. I've also seen another side effect, one that I can't confirm with data, but more one I've observed among women I read and who have attended the BlogHer Conference numerous times: personal empowerment.
It's not easy to describe, especially in this way, but I will try. I have met quite a few women and mothers who, after getting into their blogging, are getting divorced. One, a mother of two, told me quite plainly about her former spouse, "He couldn't take it. All that was happening because of my blog. He was no longer the big shot." In another instance with a mother of four, the blog didn't compete with the spouse, but it provided a means of expression, and an entryway to other women on the Web, who helped her to see that there was more to life, and that she could have more in a partner. (I didn't tell these stories on the panel; I cited some data from our Blogging benchmark study and mentioned that I've personally seen transformations that women have had as a result of their blogging, including in some cases divorce.)
"So then blogging is wrecking marriages?" Rick Klau joked I had to clarify, absolutely not. People wreck marriages.
But while we have a whole lot of data behind women's media migration patterns and usage of social media to show increased adoption, there's another effect, one no one has measured yet, that I'd like to explore. I'm sure someone like my sister Julie, a genderist and women's history professor, will one day uncover it (hint, hint). Here's my theory: This blogging thing has made us all more accountable. And if we've been living to half our potential, or are living half-truths, we can now see that unlived part of our lives out there, while sitting at the kitchen tables of the women we read, just talking.
Maybe that's fodder for Blogger's 15th birthday.
Hey, Jory! This is really interesting. I agree that the self-empowerment role blogging plays in those divorces is valid, but I think there's another piece as well. Blogging (and all the social networking/commenting on other blogs/community-building that often goes with it) is exceptionally time-consuming. Time-sucking even. I cannot tell you the number of times my husband has complained about how much time I spend on the laptop since I launched my blog. I love blogging, but it doesn't pay the bills. At all. And sometimes I need to pinch myself as a reminder that my husband, my family are here and now and real. My virtual world doesn't need me. It can wait til tomorrow.
Posted by: Kami Lewis Levin | September 06, 2009 at 04:56 PM
HEH, great post, Jory. Surely it doesn't have to be an online journal, either, that can cause this kind of awakening to new potential directions for people who might be otherwise somehow 'stuck' - it can be a return to study, creative writing, even (horrors!) pen and paper. I am currently reading (and mightily impressed by) Stephanie Dowrick's lovely book, Creative Journal Writing. (I have enjoyed her work for some time.)
http://tinyurl.com/lc293o
Posted by: genevieve | September 06, 2009 at 05:29 PM
I too am wondering whether these divorces might have happened regardless of blogging... I mean, one of the reasons you might start blogging is that you feel a need to express the feelings you have about your unfulfilling marriage or perhaps you fill your time blogging to escape your daily life. I know I got my ex cable tv and a subscription to the newspaper so that I could have some time without him... So, my guess is that this is just something else that people see as having triggered their divorce - a divorce that probably was just waiting to happen.
Rachel (who came to BlogHer from Israel twice)
Posted by: Rachel Inbar | September 08, 2009 at 12:42 AM
If the blog is used as a place to engage in introspection and thought it might serve as a tool that shines a light on problems. The blog could be the place where you discover your real thoughts and feelings about issues in marriage, life, politics, whatever.
Therefore I wouldn't attribute the end of the marriage to the blog, but you could say that it helped move things along. Maybe we could say that it is a flashlight or magnifying glass that helps illuminate problem areas.
Posted by: Jack | September 08, 2009 at 10:24 PM
I don't necessarily think that it's blogging which leads to personal empowerment for many women. I think that forcing yourself to write every day in your blog (as I have been doing recently) focuses your attention on the things that are going well/badly in your life, and allows you to reflect on them.
The one big difference between blogging and a traditional journal, however, is of course one's audience. I never knew that I could write until I started blogging and got feedback from my readers. I just wasn't self-confident enough. I still have a lot of progress to make in that regard, but at least I am now writing!
As for blogs wrecking marriages, I don't think so. In fact, the reason I clicked on your post (which I saw advertised on a NaBloPoMO sidebar) was because I had just finished writing a blog post about my marriage. I started off being very unhappy about my relationship but, by the end of it, blogging had given me a lot more clarity about the situation, and more hope.
Posted by: Petrichor | September 12, 2009 at 01:54 PM
I suspect it has always been the case that when one spouse grows into a significant degree of celebrity, they can begin to find their partner ... lacking. Thirty years ago if one had worked all the way up to columnist in a newspaper, commentator on local TV, celebrated author, etc I'm guessing it would lead to similar stress on a marriage, due to both the newfound attention and feeling threatened by the newfound income source.
Blogging lowered many barriers in publishing, both the financial cost of self-publishing and the initial time commitment. Making it in traditional media demands a career change. Starting a blog can be done in spare time, and the time commitment can grow gradually as the blog gains traction.
Your post is quite insightful in pointing out another barrier that blogging has lowered: the introduction of these stresses into a marriage.
[I was led to this post by a tweet from @louisgray, BTW.]
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