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September 06, 2009


Kami Lewis Levin

Hey, Jory! This is really interesting. I agree that the self-empowerment role blogging plays in those divorces is valid, but I think there's another piece as well. Blogging (and all the social networking/commenting on other blogs/community-building that often goes with it) is exceptionally time-consuming. Time-sucking even. I cannot tell you the number of times my husband has complained about how much time I spend on the laptop since I launched my blog. I love blogging, but it doesn't pay the bills. At all. And sometimes I need to pinch myself as a reminder that my husband, my family are here and now and real. My virtual world doesn't need me. It can wait til tomorrow.


HEH, great post, Jory. Surely it doesn't have to be an online journal, either, that can cause this kind of awakening to new potential directions for people who might be otherwise somehow 'stuck' - it can be a return to study, creative writing, even (horrors!) pen and paper. I am currently reading (and mightily impressed by) Stephanie Dowrick's lovely book, Creative Journal Writing. (I have enjoyed her work for some time.)

Rachel Inbar

I too am wondering whether these divorces might have happened regardless of blogging... I mean, one of the reasons you might start blogging is that you feel a need to express the feelings you have about your unfulfilling marriage or perhaps you fill your time blogging to escape your daily life. I know I got my ex cable tv and a subscription to the newspaper so that I could have some time without him... So, my guess is that this is just something else that people see as having triggered their divorce - a divorce that probably was just waiting to happen.

Rachel (who came to BlogHer from Israel twice)


If the blog is used as a place to engage in introspection and thought it might serve as a tool that shines a light on problems. The blog could be the place where you discover your real thoughts and feelings about issues in marriage, life, politics, whatever.

Therefore I wouldn't attribute the end of the marriage to the blog, but you could say that it helped move things along. Maybe we could say that it is a flashlight or magnifying glass that helps illuminate problem areas.


I don't necessarily think that it's blogging which leads to personal empowerment for many women. I think that forcing yourself to write every day in your blog (as I have been doing recently) focuses your attention on the things that are going well/badly in your life, and allows you to reflect on them.

The one big difference between blogging and a traditional journal, however, is of course one's audience. I never knew that I could write until I started blogging and got feedback from my readers. I just wasn't self-confident enough. I still have a lot of progress to make in that regard, but at least I am now writing!

As for blogs wrecking marriages, I don't think so. In fact, the reason I clicked on your post (which I saw advertised on a NaBloPoMO sidebar) was because I had just finished writing a blog post about my marriage. I started off being very unhappy about my relationship but, by the end of it, blogging had given me a lot more clarity about the situation, and more hope.

Denton Gentry

I suspect it has always been the case that when one spouse grows into a significant degree of celebrity, they can begin to find their partner ... lacking. Thirty years ago if one had worked all the way up to columnist in a newspaper, commentator on local TV, celebrated author, etc I'm guessing it would lead to similar stress on a marriage, due to both the newfound attention and feeling threatened by the newfound income source.

Blogging lowered many barriers in publishing, both the financial cost of self-publishing and the initial time commitment. Making it in traditional media demands a career change. Starting a blog can be done in spare time, and the time commitment can grow gradually as the blog gains traction.

Your post is quite insightful in pointing out another barrier that blogging has lowered: the introduction of these stresses into a marriage.

[I was led to this post by a tweet from @louisgray, BTW.]


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