Maybe it's because he hails from San Diego, not exactly a stone's throw from the Coto de Caza, the private commuity where most of the Housewives live, but close enough to have seen them growing up--their French-manicured fingernails, their buoyant boobs, their dismissal of what his family held sacred--that makes him hate them so. I grew up in an environment so far removed from their lifestyle I can just watch, and watch, that show and feel lucky. Lucky that I could never get a tan dark enough to adequately show off all that bling. I could never manage all the upkeep.
The Housewives have created problems in my home. I insist on watching them Tuesdays at 10p--when all-new episodes run, when H-band wants to go to bed. He says he'd like to do other things at that time--sleep, have together time. But I want to watch Housewives.
"I can't believe you'll let them get in the way of our intimacy," he says, with a look of hurt that would make some think that I'm a cruel wife. But they don't understand that Wednesday night, when Top Chef is on, all bets are off. Somehow this show transcends our commitment to more sleep, more sex. I've learned to use TC as a weapon, when H-band complains that I watch frivolous shows. I remind him that I watch Top Chef with him--see we DO have our special moments, and that I'm not lowbrow. I just appreciate it all.
I try to position Housewives as an anthropological study of sorts, of a people foreign to us.
"You watch Discovery Channel," I remind him. "How is this really different?"
In fact, I've made some interesting anthropological observations about these indigenous people:
1. Age is not wisdom in Coto de Caza. I don't mean to suggest that intelligence and age have an inverted relationship in this part of the country, not at all. But no one seems to get smarter with age, just tanner.
2. Education is not a harbinger of success, despite what it is for the rest of the world. An education does not seem to increase anyone's chances of making money, but rather marriage and willingness to work-out (increasing the chances of staying married). There are some notable exceptions on this show, women who had to make their own way, and they are to be pitied for it.
3. It's irresponsible to not take all measures possible to look younger.
4. The hierarchy of needs is such: car make, hair-root maintenance, bra size, food, shelter, children's welfare.
5. No one graduates from high school, or more accurately, evolves from the high-school mentality. Because how lame is it to have not actually graduated from high school, sha!
6. College is for people with no connections. Community college is OK, but only if you need a reason to stay in your parents' house.
7. Being drunk is OK if you are dressed up. Then you are just having a good time.
8. If you must work, consider real estate, retail, or being an extra on a music video set.
9. If your kid insists on seeing more of the world, send her to Berkeley. She'll get over it quick.
10. Kids shouldn't get everything on a silver platter. Start them at a 3 series and make them earn a 5.
Seriously, what does H-band think will happen to me? That I'll get inch-long nail wraps and start wearing sequined tops? That I'll get a boob job? C'mon, honey. You have nothing to worry about.
If you're willing to be a week behind, just wait and watch it the next week- at 9pm. Or watch it one of the 45 other times it's broadcast during the week.
Posted by: cz | January 23, 2009 at 02:48 AM
You post was linked in the sidebar at my Nablopomo page and I had to peek after reading your post title.
Two Thanksgivings ago at my sister's home my eldest sis brought up the Housewives. Another sis confessed to watching it as did I.
We speak regularly and never knew our secret guilty pleasure!
It was fun to dish about the NYC group (I missed the Atlanta season completely).
I can't decide which ones I (dis)like more/better (?)
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