In Relationship Therapy with my Blog

I just read a post on Mike Manuel's Media Gorilla Blog called "Why Blogging Has Become Harder". I don't usually read posts that are not business-related anymore, but I was drawn to it, especially this passage:

The truth is, last year was an amazingly good, but challenging year for me at Voce. We won several big accounts. We grew our team. We formalized partnerships (and forged new ones). We innovated. And where we could, we shared what was working. And amidst all of this, I must admit, I felt an increasing need (really, a responsibility) to focus whatever extra attention, energy and know-how I had on my projects, my clients and my teams.

As a result, I went dark online.

But here’s the other truth: My insularity was also influenced by my frustration with the signal to noise ratio, especially around social media consulting. When everybody’s talking and acting like they’re the experts, the last thing I wanted to do — really, the last thing I could do — was to try and show my expertise by shouting the loudest or talking the longest. That doesn’t help anyone, plus, you know, I don’t want to be that guy...

I commented on Mike's post, realizing that I had more to say than just what I had posted:

Mike, I had a similar Come-to-Jesus moment looking back at my blog during my first real vacay in years and realizing how little I’ve contributed to my digital legacy, and yet it was a time when I’ve done more speaking and educating on social media and marketing. It depressed me that my blog bling was outdated (I couldn’t even quite remember how to change it!) and that my meatiest recent piece was on wearing tight jeans. I used to geek out on social media, even get sweaty writing about it! But alas, the more work we have In Real Life, the less time I’ve had to participate online. I’m going to endeavor to get re-involved–how else do people put their money where their mouths are? But in different fashion than in 2005. I actually have a JOB other than reading blogs and writing four hours a day. It should be interesting.

This has been my struggle for the past few years. Even at the BlogHer Conference, when I'm surrounded by women who spend enormous amounts of time on their blogs, and women who are just opening to this life-altering pursuit, I feel alienated. I can only hear their stories and nod, knowing that at one time I could relate. Today, I just help pay for the booze. I know there's more to it, but when I'm just sitting on my ass, or am doing what my blog tagline indicates--"sitting still"--I become Annie Dillard, wistful for the writing life.

Mike's right, there is much more flotsam out there on the Web, and it's difficult being able to follow it so closely that you can say something that hasn't already been said in a comment on TechCrunch, let alone in a fully-fleshed blog post. Some of us have removed the obstacles of other commitments by designating our best thoughts to Twitter, just getting them out there, unroasted, before we overthink them or they fade away. Back when I had a non-start-up job, I used to jot down ideas, then work on them at night, going to bed minutes after clicking "Publish." Now, I struggle at night to catch up on email.

But you know, a lot of this is beginning of the year resolution making, a lot of talk. If I were in therapy right now, my shrink would insist that I stop talking about my blog like it's not in the room with me. I have to address it directly. Here goes:

Blog, it's true, I know it. I haven't been seeing you as much. And because of that I'm ashamed and stay away. It gets harder to come see you because every time I come back I see signs of my neglect. TypePad has added so many new features I don't recognize your dashboard anymore. I struggle to add and remove Typelists. I push publish again and again, and still no change. I know that I'll need to go deeper, into your source code, to truly make changes, but I struggle with the commitment. The commitment I once had, when for hours I would explore every last feature you had, upload images, even have H-band create new headers for categories, when you were my everything, I've saved for other pursuits, like ensuring payroll.  

It seems, I became so excited about you that I took it to a macro level. I needed to help others enjoy what I enjoyed when I began to write every day. It started with a conference, then grew to something that exceeded any part-time effort. I still kept posting to you, but by then I had a business to run, and you could no longer be the receptacle of personal takes on my business pursuits, because now there were others besides H-band whose privacy I needed to protect. People like employees and investors.

Yes, there have been others, but you knew about the print gigs--I even wrote about them here--and the affair with Fast Company. I promise you, JackMyers.com is strictly professional, and of course I have to blog on your sister, BlogHer.com, from time to time. You have to be realistic. Sometimes she even links back to you.

While I cannot promise that I will be back to visit everyday, I will think of you more. I'm not sure what our relationship will look like. When you were raised to help me sort out what I was passionate about, and you did just that. Perhaps now you can help me stay on what I'm passionate about. I can ask you the questions I can't elsewhere. Just know that, while most of your traffic consists of Google Searches on the word "sex", and people who are wondering what I've been up to since high school, I still value you. You've documented me at my best and my worst, been the place I've gone to in good times and frankly horrible ones. I'll be back.

Be patient with me. I'm still working through this phase, where I commute and travel a lot and, you know, work. There's a lot of exciting stuff to share with you about the people and companies I get to meet, but I haven't yet figured out how to share this stuff with you. I promise to work on that. I'll remember to call, or at least post, more regularly. I also promise to visit Mom more often. 

Comments

[Denise]

You could blog on "the sister" a little more often. In fact, I'll work on your schedule. ;-)

[Tre :)]

whoa. honest. genuine. and somehow i know she'll understand. she always does. this nudges in me the letter i've been writing to myself apologizing for giving up autobio pursuits to write someone else's for now and to adlib mine w/ a series of mom/me pieces which is also sluffing off on the bio i should write about my mother.
where would we be without apology and the nudge to do so? prolly living superficial salewoman lifestyles conscious of nothing more than what's in it for me. alas if that were true, we wouldn't have started blogging anyway.
your blogging buddies still idolize you, still bow to your efforts to ensure safe havens for our work, lean on your example daily as it keeps us pressing on. no apologies needed. pause was the first blog i ever read. no joke. and she led me to blogher no joke. and within 3 days i flew across country on a relatives miles to attend a conference that changed my life. pause is the reason and she's not in it for the season :) and that was a cheesy rhyme i didn't even try to make up :) seriously, pause, you, blogher, all women bloggers...we're holding hands...we're not competing...we're forging ahead to give women round the world the means to own and voice their words....i met a professor 2 weeks ago. she was working fanatically on a proposal...i thought she was blogging. for 2 minutes i said 'golly, i gotta get back to mine'...then i opened my mouth, asked her what she was doing. "I'm drafting a grant proposal to help give the shitty life of the slaves that still exist in africa a better life.'
oh my god. talk about bow to her feet. i had no idea. she teaches african politics at tufts. gave me her card. wants to start blogging. asked me if i'd teach her. little me. oh then you couldn't shut me up about blogher, what i've seen/learned and the potential..how i wanna take a buncha laptops to haiti and teach the little girls there to write their stories and maybe somehow teach them it's okay to say no. and who am i saying 'teach them.' but you know. it's really learning together. well, this comment says much but feel the hug therein. you are paving the way for millions of unprejudiced minds who haven't even realized they want to blog let alone have access to a laptop. but they will ....
love you for all you do...and that means pause is aLIVE and well :)
hugs, me

[Joy]

I hear you with the 'blog guilt' sweetie...but somehow I think she understands. It's your Mom who's going through withdrawal pains more than anyone. I'm tryng to get my fix anywhere I can find a rare post from you these days....Pause, BlogHer (You heard Denise), Jack Myers....I've had to go 'cold turkey' many times waiting for a post 'somewhere'....'anywhere'....to show up. It's not like before when I was spoiled and could read a new post on Pause all the time...those were the days. But, we've talked about this before...times do change...lifestyles change...at least adjustments may need to be made for a while. But, I love your writing....and you NEED to write...and I want you to write...and I miss when you don't write. You touch people...and that's a good thing....a really good thing. ~Mom xo

P.S. Yeah, I'd like you to visit more often actually...I miss your comments.

[jen]

I fully understand about other commitments getting in the way of blogging. Something's got to give in busy lives and choices have to be made. I still subscribe to Pause, however, and enjoy what I do get.

[Rita Arens]

You know, I've been thinking that even though I'm still writing five days at week at Surrender, Dorothy, the posts aren't that GOOD. I find myself saving good ideas for BlogHer or articles I might pitch. The more I move in the direction of working as a writer and getting paid for my work, the less the blog gets. My ad revenue is enough for a dinner out (and I'm not complaining about the BH ad network -- it's more my traffic), and the articles could enable me to someday quit my corporate job. I think it's just a realization that time is finite, and time spent on yourself is important, and the volume of effort I see from people like Heather and Georgia warrants them making their blogs a full-time gig, because it takes 10 hours a day to make it look like that. Most of us don't have that.

Move away from the guilt and embrace where you are now. Writers write, and you'll come back to it when the moments are quieter or when something about your life shocks you into needing (as opposed to wanting) to document it again.

[Jeff Paul Internet Business]

There are some amateur internet marketers that think about renting domain names for promoting their sites. Well honestly it’s a bad plan but it also can be a good business idea.

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