Life in the Entrepreneurial Weeds

"So, what are your hobbies these days?"

I was having coffee with Nick, a peer from my high school days who found me via this blog. He'd just moved to the Bay Area, just a few blocks from my place. We'd agreed to catch up at a local coffee shop. Unbeknownst to Nick, our tete-a-tete about the past 17 years would make him more caught up with my whereabouts than most people in my life.

I didn't expect his seemingly benign question to cause such consternation with me.

"I travel...on business mostly," I said. "But I enjoy it...when I can get away. I write--or wrote--a lot. I do like to write, when I can." I wondered to myself, Is watching Top Chef a hobby? What about doing laundry?

The truth is, I have no hobbies--none that I actively pursue, anyway. I've stopped carving out spare time to pursue non-occupational interests. Spare time is for errands, or catching up on email. Thank God Nick was into salsa dancing--at least someone had something to talk about other than work.

Just before that I had been running errands with H-band doing things that for most people would seem mundane, but for me was good together time: buying towels and a shower curtain. My friend A laughed uproariously when I told her earlier last week that doing dishes was a nice respite from the Treo. Before her reaction I hadn't realized that I have become a bit insane; at best a one-trick pony.

Just lately I've become more aware of this, when people from my past have called and told me of the kids, doctorates, salsa lessons in their lives, and I speak of business trips. I've had more well-rounded periods in my life, when I took wine-tasting classes and belonged to reading and writing groups, but entrepreneurism demands a new level of commitment--at least it has for me--where the yoga classes are no longer possible, nor the lingering chats over coffee. The irony is that I chose an entrepreneurial path to balance life and my work; in truth I have experienced a bottleneck and have had to choose.

Nick told me that he'd spent 12 years on his doctorate. It was an all-or-nothing situation; he had to publish or have nothing to show for his time. The dichotomy and risk involved with academia pushed a colleague of his to leave and get a job in finance. He figured he'd make money first, then pursue his interests later.

"Twelve years is a very long time," I said to Nick, I could relate to his friend. "But you never know if your friend will ever do what he says he'll do."

"That's just it," Nick said. "You don't know."

Some people choose to work hard, play later; some people honor the journey and are willing to slow it down to widen the path. Some people never choose; they do it all. And I look at them, wondering where they put this ability to make it all happen; are they hiding it in their mouths? Despite all the lessons I love to cook up I still struggle with how one does it--puts work down to lift every thing else, without trying to cheat.

I've been reminding myself that despite my penchant for working I used to be quite familiar with the latest foreign films, wine varietals, NBA standings, and the best bike paths in San Francisco. I used to read all the reviews in The New Yorker and know odd facts from issues past. A long time ago I used to dance. And a long, LONG time ago I used to play video games.

Nick could hardly believe this when I revealed that I was an avid Atari player. Avenger, Frogger, that game with the tar pits. I could play all day.

"I didn't know you were a geek," Nick said.

I had forgotten that for a sustained period of time, a LONG time ago, I knew how to play. 

Comments

[Going Like Sixty]

If you love your job, who needs hobbies?

[Angela]

I have been enjoying your blog for a couple of weeks. You just scared me a little with this post. I'm starting a side business - I plan to continue with my full-time job while I see if this is something that will be profitable, but I've got a good feeling, and feedback, on it so far. I already made myself a boundary list and one thing I wrote was: I still have to have a life outside work. Is it possible?

[Joy]

And you were damn good at it too sweetie. And....you're damn good at what you're doing now. But honestly....I can't wait for the day when you can play again. I've never grown up, and I don't want you beating me there. Love you oodles....~Mom

[Lisa Canter]

Yes yes yes and despite what some time management Gurus might say - I think one has to work this hard to get something off the ground. I speak more of Marc than myself as I still get to enjoy other things. I just want to laud you and tell you that I think these myths that we can have it all are for the birds. Especially when it comes to women- I am tired of seeing women feeling guilty because they can't do it all - motherhood career - great sweeping love life. It's not that I am against those that do - it's just that I hate to see people feel the pressure to be superwoman when even doing one thing reasonably well should be enough. Kudos to you and the others on Bloghers funding and growth.

[Mel]

I believe that by just being a part of “Priscilla Palmer’s Personal Development list” suggests that each of us post this list. You like me (Killeris at “Attitude, the Ultimate Power”) are on this list. If you have already posted it, THANK YOU. If you have not posted it, I am officially putting out a challenge that you add additional sites that fit the theme and post the entire list. This is my opinion only. If you disagree I respectfully understand. If you do agree with me this list can be found at: http://mondaymorningpower.blogspot.com/2007/09/personal-development-list-challenge.html

[Troy]

I've been trying to learn to stop stressing about fitting everything what I or others think I should be doing into my schedule. I find the things I really want to do tend to bubble to the surface, anyway, so lately I've stopped ignoring those and just do them.

For example, I was very indulgent this summer--I started with a personal trainer (first time ever) to rehab an injury and get back into shape (loved it--highly recommended), I played golf 2-3 times a month, I worked a lot in my new backyard, and I joined a poker league. I cut back on a couple other commitments to do all this, and I'm sure I'll go back to them soon enough, but it was a really fun summer and I don't regret anything I did--or consequently didn't--do.

In fact, I think I discovered the value of play for one's mental and physical well-being--at least in ways I hadn't previously. Of course, maybe that's my justification for being what could easily be described as "lazy" this summer (since it seems many are quick to dismiss anything non-career-advancing or financially-motivated as "lazy" these days), but hey, it worked for me. I feel recharged heading into the "school year" now and feel good about getting back to more "responsible" endeavors.

Play--I highly recommend it.

[Rick Calvert]

Your post really hit home Jory. I understand completely where you are. You will get to that place again where you can play.

The only question you have to ask yourself is "is it worth it?"

I think in your case and in mine it is, but you have to answer that question for yourself.

You are working on something far bigger than just another business and being able to be part of a revolution is exciting and rewarding. It is much more than a job, or work.

/shrug at least thats how I feel about it now. It certainly can't continue forever.

[Rita Arens]

It's so easy to have happen, especially when you have ownership in your work. You've reached the Shangri La of workingdom, so it IS probably very hard to look away from it.

Alas, you'll have to schedule the play. I do, every day from 5-8. I'm forced to by my daughter, but I highly recommend doing it regardless. You don't have to have a kid, but damn, they really don't have any patience for people who won't play. Just schedule yourself some bubbles. I'll put some in the mail.

[LAChick]

I recently took up bellydancing to ensure I had something that would distract me with enough force to stop thinking about work altogether. It's impossible to think about anything other than how ridiculous you look trying to shake your ass and not have it wobble too much at the same time - "watch that blubber fly"

Really enjoyed you blog and this post especially.