OS Rehab: De-toxing from my dependence on a sub-par computer

I've moved many times in my life, and I know the drill. Start selling stuff, call the utility companies, collect cardboard boxes, yadda yadda yadda. I don't get agita about it; I just do it. Migrations of these sorts are exciting for me. A change of scenery. A shower after a long run in the desert. A necessary re-programming.

And yet I'm experiencing deep anxiety around another type of migration I just made this weekend--to another computer. I have a fear of something going drastically wrong, of being lost in my new environment, of not making any friends in Vaio-land. I feel like my four-year-old niece, Bella, who has been trying to cope with an impending move to a new state.

"I don't wanna lose my friends," she says.

"But you'll have more room for people to come over and play, and I'll come out to see you!" I say.

"Yeah," she says, not convinced that it really will all work out in the end.

I know how she feels. I've needed a new computer for about eighteen months now. I know that, once I settle in I'll get to see all of my old blog buddies, my email correspondents, my old settings, but while I navigate the murky waters of transferring data I do so with dread. I prepare myself for the possibility that some of it won't be making the journey with me, that I will have to recreate breadcrumbs and email threads--my version of long and short-term relationships.

H-band has been trying to help make the transition a smooth one. He loaded my programs and was instrumental in choosing a computer that would cause as little disruption as possible. As he showed me my screensaver options and I swallowed hard--they were different, to be sure. What if the new images threw me off my game? The desktop looked entirely too clean.

"Where do I find my documents?" I said, with panic.

"You'll have to select which files to bring over," he said. "I would be selective, though. Your bandwidth was an issue with the old computer." I swallowed hard again. You mean, I have to CHOOSE what to include? No, I can't do that. I need it all. I need it all! I NEED IT...

Oh, God. I'm panicking again. But why? Why?!? I have a roomful of real-world stuff that I plan to sell, donate, or trash when I move later this year--no big whoop. But I need my data. I need it like a security blanket. Not being able to reference an email I just might need that was written a year ago would be like moving to Siberia without packing gloves--I would have forgotten to bring what I need to survive. 

I've held out for ages, but this weekend made it all to clear that I had to face my demons. I was traveling in NYC and my email program crapped out. I know I shouldn't have tens of thousands of emails in a program without deleting or storing them elsewhere. It was always something that I promised I would get to...when I had the time. I knew that I often had to wait sometimes 15 minutes for PDFs and Excel docs to open. I knew that, oftentimes, I had to browse the Internet to keep myself occupied while Word docs loaded. I knew all of this, but I couldn't get a new computer. I chose to accept poor performance and hold onto a semblance of the familiar. But then the bottom fell out, and I had to present on a client's computer--oh the horror and humiliation! This was the intervention I needed.

"You have to switch to a Mac," said my business partner, Elisa. Sure, in theory, moving to a new operating system would be a nice thing to do. But the thought of having to learn how to navigate in OSX made me hyperventilate. I had butterflies in my stomach, as H-band and I entered the parking lot at Fry's, the West Coast bastion of all things electronic.

"If we don't find something here, I'll just have to wait," I said to H-band.

"Don't worry," he said, "you will."

Some people find reasons for buying new gadgets. They buy a new computer because of a new OS release. That ain't me. I'm an upgrader. I add and renovate and do whatever I can to keep what I have until it craps out. H-band recently got a new Blackberry and seemed to revel in learning how it operated. To me, this activity is tantamount to learning to write with my left hand. Difficult at best; a hindrance to expeditious movement through life.

I plan to call my niece Bella this afternoon, to assure her that New Jersey isn't such a bad place; there are really nice people there. The move is for the best. Perhaps in the process I'll learn to feel the same way about my move to Vista.

Comments

[GoingLikeSixty]

I just ended a session of building a Dell and putting it in my wish list - as a gift for my wife's 60th birthday this month or 39th anniversary next month.

She has hundreds (maybe thousands) of embroidery and knitting patterns, so she is a heavy abuser. (I moved her email to online because she was an email hoarder too - let Google have the problem.)

I'm happy on my little lappy-top, surfing and blogging and reading blogs.

Question for you and your readers:
Diamonds or computer for her birthday?

Of course, it's really a gift for me, so I don't hear, "this damn computer / connection."

I can't wait to read the comments!

PS: Tell H-band there is transfer program and cable supposedly make the move easier.

[Joy]

Oh honey....baby steps. You know Jesse will make this as easy as possible for you...have faith.....and the hardest thing of all....patience. Big hugs....~Mom

[jen]

What your mum says - you know they're always right. In a month or 2 you'll wonder why you didn't make the move earlier. I moved from an old desktop computer to a laptop late last year (and also moved from dialup to broadband) and it's so great not having to wait minutes for an application or document to open.

[H-band]

Just think about it this way: The time you're gaining back by moving to a new computer negates the time spent switching over.

A week from now you'll be wondering why you waited so long!

With the time you've gained back, now you can make time for afternoon bike rides...

[Deb]

I so empathize with you. My husband is an IT guy and for years "changes" would appear on our computer and I'd freak! Finally, for Christmas this year I asked for my own PC - one to share with the kids. So what happens? My five year old son learns how to "change" stuff. *sigh*

And to GoingLikeSixty - diamonds for the birthday. Give her the computer "just 'cuz you love her." Major brownie points that way!

Deb: duh! of course I would never think of that.
Done and Done. Thank you for your help.

[Kay Dennison]

Oh Jory! I understand completely!
I doubled the memory in my computer this week so I'd have room to add some software that will allegedly make my life easier and correct some problems. Have I done it yet? No! And why not? 'Cause I'm scared, that's why! The hassle of fighting my way through unfamiliar territory is so very daunting. My thoughts will be with you as you and I muddle my way through this . . .
eventually.

[minikperi]

Hi :)

[sober living for women]

Good thought with this one.. Very interesting! Keep it up.

Fabian Olesen