Pause

My Life as a Cryer

I dated a guy who used to have sweat issues; not while I dated him, but before we met. He told me he'd taken care of the problem through a highly risky surgery that severed a nerve near his spine. He was so desperate to be able to shake someone's hand without handing them a towel that he accepted the risk, had the surgery, and now sweats normally. It struck me as such an extreme solution, but now I'm not so sure. Every aspect of his life--social to professional--had been affected by this condition.

I wonder if there's a procedure for people who cry profusely? That seems to be my personal curse. Get me started and I don't stop. Often I'm not still feeling what started the tears, but they continue. I'm not much of a weeper, I'm rarely audible; I'm more of a seeper--tears just keep coming. I get tissues and shirtsleeves soggy. The mood could change dramatically; I could even start laughing, but I'll still be crying. This is disconcerting for people, who understandably think there's something wrong. I can only snort up snot and try to explain, "Don't worry, I'm fine," I say. "I'm just a cryer."

Sick of Seeing Pictures from My Wedding?

TUFF!

I think after this I should become a photo blogger. I've learned that people love visuals. This set is from my good friend Jim Macove, who also shot my professional pics.

I'm Speaking at Blog Business Summit--Say Hello

Elisa Camahort and I are heading up to Seattle this week to speak, meet-up, and pretend we're blogging sessions but really responding to email at Blog Business Summit (Fine, that last one refers to me). Fact is, I never blog AT a conference; the thoughts need to cook.

I'm speaking on a panel about small business with Andru Edwards and Kevin O'Keefe. And I offer up this request for anyone who is attending the session: Grill Us! Get your money's worth. Make us work for you. We're going to try to give the skinny on small business blogging from several points of view, not just new media. If you've got a bricks and mortar business that you want to promote through blogging, or if you are a consultant who wants to build a profile and practice, or if you are building your own media empire post by post, tell us what you want to know.

The other panel I'm on is with betrothed (and about-to-be-betrothed) bloggers Maryam and Robert Scoble, and Ponzi and Chris Pirillo--and no, it's not about blogging your nuptials or how to humilate the ones you love. These two couples embody a situation that many business blogging personalities face, where many in their audience know just as much about their personal as professional lives. Is this a good thing?

I preach until I'm blue in the face the need to be authentic on your blog, especially on a business blog, so I'm inclined to say yes. Though there's much to be said for creating boundaries. You have to consider the folks that come to your blog to get business information, or who come through Google. It can be kind of off-putting coming to a blog where all you experience is not being in on the joke--like you are supposed to know the people being mentioned. I believe that good business bloggers have to be adept at writing for two audiences: one that wants to relate to you in order to take in your information, and one that just wants the facts.

Then there are issues of disclosure, not just legal or business details, but personal. I've had a few instances myself where I might have, er, written about something before getting a good gut check of what H-band would think. Surprisingly H-band was OK with it, but my audience was like, Oooooh TMI, Jory T.M. freaking I.

I liken this to the Naked panels I've moderated at BlogHer, but with the Business Blogger in mind. How do you walk the line of being trusted by customers but then having to pull back if you disagree with your employer or your client? How do you deal with the elephants in the room (or office) without destroying confidentiality, but also without seeming like a corporate drone?

The ideal example of this Edelman situation happened last week, when Edelman SVP and Uberblogger Steve Rubel FINALLY wrote about the Wal-Mart blog fiasco. As an employee of the firm in question, he had to tow the company line and wait until a decision was reached by his communications department on how to handle the affair. Yet, his readers, who have come to expect him to hold up PR firms/corporate marketing departments to a magnifying lens, expected an immediate explanation.

I experience this with BlogHer: now that I help run a company, I cannot be as forthcoming about personal details that are associated with the business. My business has become the business of my partners, other bloggers, and sponsors of BlogHer. How do you manage all loyalties? Come to the panel to see how these bloggers weigh in.

And, if you are in Seattle, do your damnedest to say hi to me at the meet-up BlogHer is holding at the Blog Business Summit on Thursday Oct 26. You don't have to be a conference attendee to get in--though if you think you might want to go to BBS, definitely mention you're coming through BlogHer to get the special rate. Deets for the meetup and conference discount are here.

Blog Business Summit Elisa Camahort Andru Edwards Kevin O'Keefe Maryam Scoble Robert Scoble Ponzi Chris Pirillo BlogHer Seattle Meetup

I Lerve Amanda, and the Truth

Amanda Congdon, formerly of Rocketboom, stopped off in Redwood City to chit chat with the BlogHers as part of her AmandaAcrossAmerica Tour. After three takes (she got toungue-tied with my last name--Day zhar DAN, Amanda), we kvetched about the power of women online, BlogHer, even my oft-neglected baby, Pause (dabbing the corner of my eyes). I enjoyed it immensely.

I almost bit it when Amanda remarked that my blogging style differentiates from my colleagues' because I use a narrative style. I tried to explain that I see the world as one big fat storyline, with lots of little storyline threads that weave into it; instead of sticking to one thing (like, er objective facts) I pull from many different threads--thoughts dreams, dialogues--to get my point across. But it came out as something like, "I don't stick to facts."

Lisa saved me by vouching that everything I write about is true. H-band, my twin sister, my angst over seemingly trivial things really do exist.

The point is, Pause is where I get to expand on things, put them under a microscope, tell it like I see it. And not everyone sees it like me. They should, but that's another blog post.

Amanda Congdon AmandaAcrossAmerica BlogHer Lisa Stone

Remembering Craig Cline

I would have liked to have planned Craig's Bay Area memorial sooner, but hey, better late than never. I had this other thing--my wedding--going on, and I wanted to be fresh for this.

Dave Winer was wonderful to offer up his digs for the service--if you want to call it that. When I think of memorial services, I think of some man or woman of the cloth saying something about how the departed is in God's hands now. I believe in God, but I'm not the type that needs reassurance. I know Craig's in good hands, but I miss him. I wanted stories.

Folks like Gene Gable, Mark Anderson, and Craig's kids Matt, Dylan, Ian, Ryan, Aliyah and Rob (who is traveling but there in spirit) offered up some great stories about Craig. Some resonating themes:

--Craig was never a good driver.
--Ebay owed him a Customer of the Year Award; everyone had witnessed him in the midst of a purchase.
--He always looked like a lovable sheepdog. I saw pics of Craig with much less gray hair from back in the tight turtleneck days. He always had his bangs flopping over wherever they landed and the signature shaggy beard.
--He was a die-hard Democrat. Once, while driving his daughter to school he stopped the car to pull Right-leaning signs out of someone's lawn.
--He was a gadget junkie.
--He was a master of words, though often in meetings he kept his mouth shut.

Craig's wife, Gayle, had some beautiful words to share about Craig. She also distributed information about ALS research. Though research hasn't come far enough yet to have saved Craig, in another five years that will change.

Gene Gable contributed some wonderful pics, for those who want to get a better sense of the world Craig belonged to. As the head of content for the Seybold Conference, he orchestrated keynotes, panels, and debates in the print and digital publishing world since the late 80s. In the 90s, Seybold WAS the place to speak for companies like Apple, Adobe and Microsoft, and Craig decided who took the dais.

Here's Dave Winer's account of the memorial, er salon. I think Craig would have preferred we call it that.

Craig Cline Seybold Gene Gable Mark Anderson Dave Winer Lou Gehrig's disease

The #1 Condition for Global Domination: Have Soft Skills

Saluting all of you who have been insulting each other from my Dell Hell comments section.

This was originally posted on BlogHer.org.

The Wedding Chronicles: Hitched

B-friend rolled over to face me in our bedroom, overlooking the rolling hills of Mendocino County.

"Guess I'm H-band now," he said.

He had a point. I looked down at his left hand, where he now wore a white gold ring--a mobius strip that had been sautered together to form a twisting, but endless, loop.

"we did it," he said.

Huh. And I thought that I'd just thrown the biggest party of my life. But I guess that somewhere during the tearful soliloquies, toasts, vows and picturetaking two people got married.

Over the past few days, as photos from friends have arrived in our inboxes, I've started to piece together events. I did walk down the aisle with my mother. My niece did break protocol and run ahead of my bridesmaids--my sisters--screaming "Wait for me!" I did cry while reading to B-friend my reasons for marrying him. (For a coherent breakdown of events, check out my mother's blog).

The Wedding Chronicles: Flaws

B-friend and I went to City Hall to get a marriage license. I was surprised by the number of people who actually get married there; white dress, bridal party, the whole shebang. Though San Francisco City Hall is a beautiful building, the licensing area is, well, very ADMINISTRATIVE, hardly evocative of memories that last a lifetime. I can't imagine offering up my vows with a mechanical voice in the background, "Number A-0-123, number A-0-123 is next." I said as much to B-friend, who asked what would be an ideal place for vows. I shrugged; I didn't know.

We were issued a license to review for inaccuracies and some literature about spousal abuse and sexually transmitted disease, we signed the piece of paper and poof, we had permission from the State of California to get married.