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September 17, 2006



Ever the analytical daughter...well, I guess I have a couple of those.

All I know, is that when we walk down that aisle, I'm going to be looking into the face of a very beautiful and happy woman who means the world to me. And, waiting at the end of that aisle, will be an equally blissful Jesse. And in my eyes...that's all that counts.

This was a really wonderful piece Jor....


Best wishes. This news has undoubtedly broken a lot of hearts.

And like your mom says, it was a truly wonderful post.

Love Coach Rinatta Paries

Jory, one way to make peace with the fact that women have to relinquish power to men when it comes to starting relationships and proposing marriage is this. In modern world we women are expected and expect ourselves to be so very masculine. Relationships are the only place left where a woman can relax and be feminine and a man can relax and be masculine – and not worry about political correctness. I think both sexes need just a tinge of that to be balanced and happy. Besides, most men take longer to feel safe with and ready for intimacy. That is primarily why women are ready for marriage much earlier then their men are. Given that, it is only fare that the couple does not get married until both partners are emotionally ready. Congratulations to you both on tying the knot so soon - how exiting!

Chris Owen

I know you've been busy so I want to say thanks for taking the time to blog. I suspect there's a bit of therapy in there as well for you. You know writing a blog post = get yourself grounded and back in your self instaed of the bride self.
I just LOVED all these thoughts and contemplations.
We'd love to hear from you again before the BIG DAY if you can!


Ever the contrarian, I'm going to point out that men have to give up power in this equation as well. Down on one knee offering up your heart is not exactly a position of power. Quite the opposite, in fact.

And then there's the wedding planning, in which the groom is often less involved than the cake. F'rinstance, I filled out a wedding registry at a department store where the section "may make changes to this registry" had two check-boxes and a couple of write-in lines. The check boxes were "bride" and "mother of the bride".

Ultimately, I think the reason you're not 100% happy about getting married is because you're too smart to let that happen. Tinkerbell may have been so small she could only feel one emotion at a time, but that ain't you.


Jory - I really liked this piece and can't wait to see you in a few weeks to enjoy your big day with Jesse. As I read this distinction popped into my head - relationships have a lot to do with levels of magnatism btwn two people and that is largely affected by the call and response btwn the couple. Personally I feel drawn toward a woman who offers an open and compelling "invitation" to the world and her man. There is a tremendous amount of power in choosing what to offer and how to present it. Personally, a woman in persuit feels more on the desparate side to me; a woman, clear about what she wants and inviting that toward her = powerful. And, seeing a woman who is confident about the fact she deserves a quality relationship layers on even more power.
Jesse - love that you separated those questions out, very insightful.



Jory, I love this post. Very interesting for me to read, and to feel. When my BF (Boyfriend, now Best Fiance) proposed, I never felt I relenquished power, I felt the power was in my answer. And, similar to you, I felt it was coming, but was quite surprised (pleasantly) at the moment. My first response was "Are you sure?" , then tears, then, "I'm really "HARD" you know, I'm not easy."...more tears.
He responds "Really?" "I love difficult, and want to spend the moments of my life, like this, with you."
Now, I'm approaching 50, and the response from my friends on my engagement were very strange. Only my Godmother seemed truly happy. For some reason, the mere fact that I was engaged, gave PAUSE to everyone. I wasn't quite sure why, I think I was the poster girl for the SINGLE WOMAN in my circle. Never married, traveler, love my life, happy, continued friendships with past realtionships, always available. But it was a strange feeling, one I decided to examine, que surprise, and now sit happily with the feeling. A part of me will always be a single woman, because this is my definition OF A woman. So the status doesn't change. I just get to experience being a single woman loved by an amazing man. I await your next post and the post "post" wedding...Thanks once again Jory...magnificent insight!


really excellent post.

would that more women--and men--were this thoughtful about taking on such a huge responsibility.

as someone who caved to the pressure in her 20s (and regretted it, and took a long time to recover), I so admire and appreciate what you guys have done.

kudos. and continue to light the way for others...

Masha Rostova

Very interesting ;). I really like your Blog and I will be happy to know you better. I'm looking for a new friends in the Internet. Check out my own blog http://www.masha-rostova.blogspot.com I hope you like it ;) Have a nice day!

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