The Family Reunion Part I: Oddities

I woke up yesterday morning and my engagement ring was missing, but I wasn't really worried. I knew B-friend probably had it. He'd woken up before me and was off doing the things he likes to do in the morning--chores, cooking, email--pretty much everything I like to do in the evening. We were spending the weekend with B-friend's parents--the Pre-In-Laws--in San Diego, and would make a trip up to Orange County for his Grandfather's 80th birthday.

I must have been tired; I didn't hear him wake up. Or maybe I did and went back to sleep--I don't remember; I was emerging from redemption sleep, making up for previous nights of interrupted slumber.  B-friend has been waking me up in the middle of the night since he declared war on the terrorist mosquitoes that have been staging attacks since the weather's been warm enough to keep the windows open. These are not average mosquitoes; these guys pray to Allah and are willing to give up their lives for human flesh. I used to sleep like an ignoramus in the buff and would wake up with mump-like welts on my body; my white, moley skin was chocolate chip ice cream to these pests. After scratching off yards of my skin last summer, I've resorted to High-Alert measures of mummifying myself in sheets every night, exposing only my face. I sleep on my side, so if I'm lucid in any way, I can hear the suckers buzzing and swat them if they dare try to bite me. Unfortunately, since I'm usually immobilized by the sheets I have to make odd noises to scare them off, or wiggle my whole body to try to deter them.

B-friend takes the mosquitoes much more personally. I hear him, at 4am, questioning the buzzy air in front of him, "Why? Why me?" If I'm conscious, I'll respond, "Why not you? What, do you want them to bite me?" Lately he's adopted a much more violent strategy; now when he hears a mosquito he jumps to his feet, turns on a light and starts to search for the perp(s). He walks around the room silently, waiting for one to make a false move. When he finds one he becomes strangely personable; he even talks to it. He believes he can trace its linneage,

"That's the one I saw coming in through the kitchen on Tuesday ...

Yep, THAT's the one that bit me last night ...

Jor, did you say you heard a buzzing earlier? Here's your guy ..."

Some he even affords a degree of respect, the particularly evasive ones.

"...There's the big guy. He's had a show. He's done well by us. Look at him. Fat with blood. We never even saw him coming. So long big guy -- SPLAT!"

I admire his tenacity, but I wish B-friend would just stay in bed like I do, because once the bloodsuckers have been eliminated, he has an amazing ability of turning out the light and falling back to sleep, while I lie there, mummified, and unable to drift back to significant slumber until about ten minutes before his alarm clock goes off. So this morning, in Southern California, I took the liberty of sleeping in.

B-friend came into our room and gave me back my engagement ring. It smelled like Windex.

"Member what we were told about keeping the ring clean?" he said. "Just spiffing it up."

"Thanks, Babe."

"People are going to want to see it today. I want it clean for your family too."

We're heading to Chicago for my family reunion the next day. I can't imagine my mother looking at my engagement ring and saying, "It's just so ... smudged." But, you know, we all have our things; I care about my bangs, he cares about the ring.

Wanna get up?" B-friend says. We can take a walk."

"OK."

I get up and start to get dressed. He's watching me.

"Babe, you gonna wear your pajama bottoms out?"

"No. I just haven't taken them off yet."

"Did you wash them before we came down?"

"No. Was I supposed to?"

"No. No--we can clean them at your Mom's house."

B-friend likes things clean. We had a close call last night, when I lay in our bed in what he thought were the clothes I'd worn on the plane. Fortunately I'd changed out of them and was wearing a fresh outfit. Whew!

The day was already hot; I was starting to sweat. The Pre-In-Laws live a block from the beach, outside of San Diego in a town that was once a Hippie Haven but now seems to be a Yippie Haven ("Yippies" being Hippies who became successful before returning to Hippiedom). People grab lattes and sit outside to eat brunch. As we strolled past them I couldn't help but notice that B-friend was two paces ahead of me.

"Why do you do that?" I said.

"Do what?"

"Walk ahead of me."

"I don't try to," he said.

I brought out the Big Guns. "You know, I heard on the John Tesh radio show that you can tell a lot about a couple by the way they walk together. Apparently not being in-synch and--worse--not walking together signals an unhappy union."

"That, or it means it's freaking hot outside!"

"That's just what he says."

"Why are you listening to this stuff? Why do I care what John Tesh thinks?"

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger. I just thought I should share."

"Yeah, well, I have to be honest with you, Jory, you do this weird walking. It's like, you walk at the same pace as me, but you always for some reason end up two paces behind."

"Are you saying I'm doing this on purpose?"

"I'm just saying it's strange. That's all."

"Well, seeing as you are six feet tall and I'm five two, could it be that you cover more ground when you walk? I mean, think about it."

"It's just strange. That's all I'm saying."

We got our coffee and walked back, hand in hand.

Comments

[Laura Moncur]

Even if you don't own your place of residence, pay to have the screens fixed. Nothing is worth more than a good night's sleep.

[mothergoosemouse]

The worst is when you smash a mosquito and it leaves a smear of blood.

And Kyle complains that I walk too fast. He holds my hand and presses his forearm against mine to slow me down.

[miffy]

Can't wait to see how it goes in Chicago! And your right, "ring smudge" would NEVER come out of your Mom's mouth! LOL
Thanks again, for sharing the scroll/stroll!

[Marilyn]

Sounds like your Mom had a great time with all of you. :) J used to do the same mosquito hunting in the tropics...turning on the light, waiting patiently. I, on the other hand, would just pull the sheet higher... :)

[Ms. Annie D]

Oh yeah. I also have the chocolate chip skin, and the skeeters seem to love it.