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July 16, 2006



I got married relatively young (25), and while I think I wasn't a Bridezilla, I know I made a few decisions that I regret.(Fortunately, Kyle isn't one of them!). The worst was choosing the wrong person as my maid of honor.

I have to admit that we did register - mostly with my mother's encouragement - but we did not advertise our registry and only provided it to those who asked (which, these days, is EVERYONE).

Some choices were good ones - we still use the same dishes (from Crate and Barrel) and have replaced several cups and bowls and plates that have broken.

Ironically enough, the item we've used the most is our breadmaker! Kyle makes pizza dough with it at least once a week.


OMG, Jory, this is hitting me so hysterically. I finally went to register and had to leave the store. Not sure if it was menopausal hot flash or hypoventilation!!! Anyway, I returned with my best friend, who will be celebrating her 30th anniversary a week before my wedding day. She was just the support I needed! 300 items later, we decided she needed a bridal shower too! Thanks again Jory, I am so enjoying your words. Glad your dancing before me

Stefania Pomponi Butler/CityMama

Found you by way of Grace Davis's blog...

We did not register when we got married for exactly the same reasons you are mulling over here.

We have no regrets about it--we got some really fun and creative gifts, everything from an original painting to a camping tent. My brother's wedding gift to us was building us a fence. The "no registry thing" really threw people for a loop, but they had fun with it! We're glad we did it that way, but I completely understand the reasons for registering, too.


Jory, 2 things:

I didn't attend my university graduation either because I didn't think anyone else would want to attend. In retrospect I realise that mum would have liked to come, that she was very proud of me. I'm the only one in our family to have a degreee. Mind you I was on a plane that day on my way to change my destiny!

Lots of my friends getting married recently have just requested money towards new kitchen, renovations, holidays etc. Why not ey? It takes the stress out of buying something if there's no registry.


As a guest or shower invitee, I always appreciate knowing where someone is registered, because my taste and gift-giving judgment is kind of er, questionable. This way, I know that what I give will be appreciated. As someone who was a bride with very little money at the time, registering for the gifts I wanted was a boon. We're better off financially now, but I still can't justify buying that kind of stuff when the kid always needs something. So I'm glad we got it way back when as gifts. (And don't get me started on baby showers -- the greatest innovation of western civilization. You CANNOT waffle about that, when the time comes.)


Sweets - when my beloved and I got engaged (I was 30, he 38) we merged well-stocked kitchens, and this fact was well known by dear culinary club friends. One of the friends grabbed me for a congratulatory hug and whispered in my ear (in NO uncertain terms) "Do me a favor - REGISTER, I do not want to guess at what you NEED." And we did need a few bits and bobs, and we were hoping to replace our favorite spatula with the burnt and broken handle (the one that was just too perfect for pancake flipping) - so we registered in a range from $2 (you don't know it - but you need the OXO pan scrubber) to the "not china" china at Williams Sonoma. We didn't need any Calphalon saute pans - we had them already, but we did need really good dish towels (12 years later, the good ones are still going strong).

SHORT VERSION: A registry is not just "gimme, I deserve, I want" (well maybe a little) but it also helps your near and dear present you with something that you need, fill in the gaps as it were.

BTW - if you register for ugly stuff, peeps are always free to shop "off registry" - so register away without guilt! (But be practical!)



Hey, congratulations!!! Yeah, there is something to be said for placing a big bag at the end of your wedding party table marked, "Insert Cash Here Now, or No Cake for You." Then again, a little All-Clad never hurt anyone.
Or both. Hmmm, here's a wedding registry idea for W-S, Crate and BBB ... a 2-quart All-Clad saucepan, filled with tens and twenties. Have fun with it.


Donna is right. A registry is the only thing standing between you and the most God-awful presents imaginable because someone just couldn't think of what to get the couple who has everything. We had to combine 2 adult households too and it was tough. But there were a few things that we didn't have and I am so glad we registered for them. You can't go wrong with the flatware that you like. Trust me on this one.

paul merrill

That whole attitude of "let's ask for it when we don't need it" is SO out of touch with the needs of the world, beyond novacaine-saturated USA suburbia!

I have seen at least a few people who already have the "stuff" they need do a registry thing where charities benefit.

Come ON America, snap out of your selfishness!


I actually found interesting wedding gifts myself such as Atomic Clocks. I know it's not the usual types of gifts you send or receive during weddings but they're trendy and unique.

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