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May 21, 2006


Maria Niles

I am honored that I could be of service, Jory. :-)

Being a wedding planner was always high up there on the list of (the many) possible entrepreneurial tracks for me. A big reason why is because I always want couples to have the wedding of their dreams and intentions and not just the ones of the bride's mother's dreams or of pop stars and princesses because they seem to inevitably cause the bride so much pain and disappointment.

I have no doubt you and the fiance will have the wedding of your dreams, even if you haven't yet had that dream.

Steve Sherlock

Jory, this is a good start.

A wedding is almost mis-named. A graduation is called a commencement, and it at least marks the beginning of the new degreed life. A wedding is almost as important if not more so as the two people are planning to begin their life together. It will be full of challenges some expected, some very unexpected.

The wedding party is not the last supper but the first of many meals together, hopefully happy ones.

Best of luck on the planning!

Account Deleted

Hey, the wedding can be a great party, but still it is only a day. The marriage, that (hopefully) is for life. Planning for your marriage is WAY more important :-) Sounds like you are doing just fine on that front.

When I got married I decided to have just immediate family and very close friends (about 40 people) and have a great meal that we would all enjoy, rather than have to cut corners way way tight to have everyone we knew.

Small wedding also let us have it in the little chapel at the Wayside Inn near my house, which meant we could drive the dogs over and have them in the wedding pictures (not the wedding though). Do the things that will make it special for you.

And by the way once you do decide what you want to do, you can probably pull it together start to finish in far less time than you think. We decided to get married in late August, and got married Thanksgiving weekend!


Just don't forget to do what you want along the way, not what people expect.

I had very non-traditional wedding -- we went to Las Vegas and had picnic for each family afterwards. (They were separated by a state and it was easiest.)

My cousin is getting married next summer and is going through everything I avoided; nosey relatives, sassy remarks that cross to inappropriate, expensive traditions that are meaningless to her, etc.

I keep telling her, as long as you end up married, that's what matters, really.

Don't get lost in the details.

The Bargain Queen

Good luck Jory!

There is no way you can make everyone happy with your wedding so if something's meaningless to you, why not skip it? The same distant relatives who are offended I didn't invite them to my wedding are notorious for complaining about what they're served or who they're seated beside, so I got a pretty good deal annoying them for free instead of paying $100/head to do it! :)

Seriously though, I felt the same distaste and disinterest in wedding dresses, cakes, etc etc before I got married last year. Bridal magazines terrify me so there's no way I could organise the standard $30,000 extravaganze. Hubby and I got married three months after we were engaged and kept it as simple as possible (registry office, 12 guests, own vows, nice lunch afterwards).

We still got the desired outcome even without the frills: we're happily married. Plus we're not still paying off the 'big day', which is a nice bonus!


I'd just like to say that it's perfectly possible to have a crappy wedding and a good marriage. When I was married we tried to keep it simple, which was fine, but every single person related to us wanted to have a say in the planning.

On my weeding day me, my husband and my mil had the flu, I was on antibiotics, my dress was horrible (never try to buy a party dress in spring, unless you have mucho money), and the party was very lame. We have hidden our photos of the wedding in the attic, but our marriage is just thriving (after 11 years).
Just do what you like, and don't take it too serious. Oh, and read this (http://moxie.blogs.com/moxie/2006/04/itchy_and_scrat.html)from somebody who had a crappy wedding, too.



Ah, more culturally induced illusions to face! The high cost of keeping up with the dream. It's a shame that this sacred, so personal aspect of life, a marriage, is mired so. They don't tell you in most of the books (except David Schnarch's Passionate Marriage) that marriage is as much about loving your own real self as it is about loving your partner; that it is the beginning of a new kind of differentiation, not a commitment to a fusion of personalities! As a consequence, a wedding ought to be a community event where both love and separateness are honored. If separateness isn't there, commitment's a sham...and doomed. My advice would be to create a wedding that honors the intimacy and dearness you hold with one another and also the respect for the individual threads you follow. And don't worry if a little of the illusion seeps in. A little impracticality is just fine. It's champagne, you know (and the bubbles are worth it for anyone with a romantic impulse). The house will be there when you need it -- and you'll do fine. I don't think it's really about spending money or not spending it. Too much prudence can be as imprudent to happiness as too little. Spend what you believe is right for an event you will enjoy remembering and sharing -- just don't spend it on some false image of something the two of you are not. Avoid regrets: spend it on who you are; spend it on really having a LOT of FUN being there together with the people you both love the most. And as for the magazines, as you have already done, recognize how shallow they are and how easily hooked on the insanity we've become. It's a gracious thing that you have already figured this out.


A note from "the beginning to come out of my coma bride"...you are brilliant! I read with a few laughs, a few heartfelt moments and many "aha"s your note...I feel somewhat like, dare I say, Tony Soprano when he awakens from his coma to state "Who am I and where am I going?". Brilliant words, like yours. Steve and I have given ourselves many months to have the celebration of our lives and love. I'm just now starting to look at differest aspects of the bash. And you know, it's not too uncomfortable. OF course, in true Miffy style, I put the notebook together with my views, thoughts,words and sections of pre/present/post together. And this much I know...the date and the DJ! We are getting married on Oct. 21, 2007 and I have the DJ. The rest, I feel will follow...and of course, like all good single women walking the aisle at 50...forget the beaches, we are going to Hershey for our honeymoon. That's right, Hershey PA, home of CHOCOLATE! Now there's a celebration of life and love!


One thing I like about your blog is the sense that you own your own drama, not the other way around. I imagine that whatever you end up doing will be rich in meaning, no matter what it is :-)

The other thought that comes to mind, oddly, is wondering what Bugs Bunny's wedding would be like. I've been realizing lately that I miss Looney Tunes as a positive force in my life, and that I probably owe more of my personality to those characters than I was aware (scary :-)

Anyway, I can imagine a lot of parallels between the life of Bugs and the life of Jory...both of you are independent, wily, resourceful, witty, snide, talented and willful. Sometimes making that wrong turn at Albuquerque. Generally minding your own business, until pushed by the likes of Yosemite Sam or Elmer Fudd. Then, of course, THIS MEANS WAR!

So Bugs, having lived a full life of interesting experiences, finds his groove later in life as some kind of independent consultant, troubleshooter, maybe starting a company that specialized in empowering the little guy or importing fine carrots from Italy. Who would Bugs settle down with? And what kind of wedding would he have? Mind you, I'm thinking of an older-wiser Bugs that may not have been portrayed. If the studios got hold of the wedding, they'd throw some barfable fete featuring all the characters of the studio, with giant floats and flowers raining from the heavens, with all the sugar-substitutive heart of a "where are they now?" episode of "The Love Boat". It would be entirely expected. But the Bugs Bunny of my imagination would get wind of these plans, call in a few favors from his war buddies, and get himself and his honey away. Probably someplace tropical, with lots of palm trees and hula skirts and drinks with tiny umbrellas in them.

I'm not sure if this really makes any sense, but on the off chance that it sparks something I'm posting anyway. My apologies in advance! :-)


Oh boy, reading this reminds me of why 11 years later, we still don't have that piece of paper. :) Boyfriend's divorced, so since he's already had a wedding, I told him I get to have ours my way...and I don't want anyone there except him and me (and obviously someone to perform the ceremony). I could never get him to fully commit to that idea ("...but don't you want your FAMILY there?") I want an utterly private wedding for two reasons: the practical is that I don't want to spend money on a wedding when I'd rather spend it on our LIFE :) ... but I also want it to be just the two of us because I know myself well enough to know that if it's not, I'll spend too much energy on worrying whether everyone ELSE is enjoying themselves, thereby removing myself from the moment. Once we decided to come back to the States, I joked we could go through the DRIVE-THRU chapel in Vegas. He wasn't amused...but I'm still hoping we'll get a wild hair one of these days and without warning zip up to Tahoe and do the deed. ;)

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