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April 30, 2006



I so understand what you mean.
With my husband, I made a slightly different deal that seems to work wonderfully. We have a common account, that we use for all common expenses (mortgage, bills, grocery, and dinners together). But we also have our own accounts, where we leave a percentage of our income. Not a lot of money, but enough to give us some freedon. It's our own free-to-spend-no-question-asked money. We don't have to argue or even discuss how much money he spends on beer and I on hair clips. No guilt for how much I spend for his birthday present.
It may be slightly harder for you guys because you don't have a fix income with direct deposit, but I would give it a try.

Adrift At Sea

There are so many things more important in life. I know, I've been there. Gee and I didn't have the luxury of time, but what we have is something that most people will never find. Read more about My Life With Gee at: http://blog.dankim.com/life-with-gee

Colleen Wainwright

Make it your own, girl! (As if you'd do it any other way.)

The sharing was the hardest thing for me, too. I don't think I did a very good job of it, and I'm working on re-wiring my thinking before I plunge into even cohabitation again.

As long as you keep an open mind and heart, it'll work. You and the fiancé are on the same Big Page.

Average Jane

My husband and I have been married for more than 11 years and we have always maintained two accounts. They have both our names on them, but we each only use one. We calculate our shared expenses so my husband knows how much his half amounts to, and he transfers it to my account when he gets paid. I pay all the shared bills and we each pay our personal bills from our own accounts.

I always hated the idea of having to worry about each other's spending habits. Obviously, the highest earner at any given time will pitch in to help the other in a pinch. It's worked well for us.


My husband and I lived together for two years before we married, and in that time, we were already gleefully spending each other's money. We've been a single-income family for 8 years now, and it's never been an issue for either of us.

Of course, our needs are pretty modest, and our entertainment revolves around the kids, but if there is an expensive purchase to be made, even if it is for me only, or for him only, we look at the budget and if the money is there, we go for it, with no tit-for-tat.

I'm so excited that you're getting married. You are going to be the most beautiful bride, Jory.


I don't think, I wouldn't be legally married now, if Germany hadn't changed the laws about names some years ago so that I could keep my own name. Before, I would have been forced to either change it to his, or to something like "Meier-Schmidt". Mine and his combined (for only one of us, not both). I have one of those "could you please spell that - slowly"-surnames too.

As for the joint account, I have been married for 12 years, and only last year we opened a joint savings account. But we still have separate accounts. One of us pays the groceries, one pays the daycare fee, sometimes we have to move the money around a bit. When we go out, one of us pays. Whoever has more money right then.

For me, having my own name and my own money (even if it isn't enough to live on) is something I'm very reluctant to give up, because it feels like the promise of freedom, feminists have been fighting for for ages.

(Sorry for the pathos.)


Like a few other posters here, my husband and I maintain three accounts: his, hers, ours. We each put 1/2 our income into the joint account (I make more, so I put more in), which then goes towards house, utilities, etc. The solution has worked out great for us.


Alisa and I will celebrate 10 years of wedded bliss this Fall. We've had one account from the beginning and we've never had a problem.

Canadian Headhunter

It sounds like Mr Markman isn't loaded. You see, THAT's the only problem.


Nice to know that I'm not the only one who got suckered in by "The Real Housewives..." (Bravo does such excellently trashy reality shows--I love them!) That was a lovely post about you and the fiancee at your Mom's blog. :) Here's to a future filled with smooth traveling down the joint account highway...

Mark Vane

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Instead of slashing our pay or merely patting us on the back for this competency, we'd prefer to get the proper credit.

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