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January 23, 2006



Oh, if that were true...shake, shake, shake...shake, shake, shake...

Steve Sherlock

Yes, if only it was a shake.

BTW did you see the National Geographic current issue? It has the inside scoop on the chemistry of love.


Unfortunately, they don't post more than a teaser on line. I do have the hard copy and it actually says that backrubs are good. They release a hormone called oxytocin which is also released when we hug. "In long term relationships that work ... oxytocin is believed to be abundant in both partners. In long-term relationships that don't get off the ground, ... chances are that the couple has not found a way to stimulate or sustain oxytocin production."

You are on to something Jory!

Love Coach Rinatta

Dr. Gray is wonderful for those people who will never learn to be introspective and who just need ways to cope with their relationship, to have as pleasant life as possible without doing hardly any work. However, if you truly want to be happy in your relationship, you need to look beyond Dr. Gary's philosophy of men and women being different.

Yes, we produce different chemicals in the brain, and yes, it does account for some difference in behavior, but chemical differences do not explain what's going on in most relationships.

What you experience with your boyfriend when you repeat things over and over is not being heard, and guess what - it's because he is not hearing you. You already know this, you wrote about it in this post, and at the same time you are somehow saying it's you - perhaps you are just perceiving him wrong.

To get/hear/understand another human being does not require that a person be male of female - it requires the ability, willingness and openness, to get/hear/understand another human being.

Perhaps when you speak, his issues get triggered and he shuts down, perhaps he is preoccupied with his own stressors, but what ever the reason, that lack of communication is not a male/female issue in terms of Mars/Venus. It is a male/female issue in the way men shut down and women know there is shut down and yet somehow explain it away, pretend it's not happening and try to live with it.

If women were less willing to let men get away with this kind of thing in relationships, everyone would be much happier - even the men. Men thrive in relationships where they are called to the mat to be fully human, and die and leave relationships where they can get away with being emotionally absent.

If you want to listen to an expert who knows exactly what's going in male/female relationships, go take a look at Terry Real and take a look at his books at Amazon. I also know what's really going on in relationships with men and women and have created courses for couples to deal with just the thing you are dealing with. Take a look at my courses for couples .(this is a public service announcement and not self promotion - most couples badly need the information I have made available on my site)

Sorry to be so heavy in this, but I get really riled up when people fall for this kind of lame explanations of what's happening in their relationships. You don't need a food shake to improve your relationship! You need to get your boyfriend to wake up and be present, and you need to have him figure out why he is checked out or shut down. Once the shut down/checking out starts to happen it's only gets worst.

Alright then, now that I got really intense on you, back to my smiling and pleasant comments.

Love Coach Rinatta Paries

Troy Worman

I don't know what Dr. Gray is selling, but a six-pack is much more likely to get me on the same page as you than a shake. And as for my attention, if you want it, put on something sexy like a pair of reading glasses. Or whip me up a batch of homemade tamales. Then I'll be all ears.


My mother and her friend attended some workshop over New Year's weekend at Gray's spa on the coast...she came back all adither over brain chemistry...Gray must be selling it on all fronts. ;) Personally, I can't stand his whiny little persona...he grates on me...but to each his own. I had to laugh reading this post though...I can't tell you how many times I'll be breathlessly relating some tale that's urgently vital to my current emotional well-being, only to have J. stare at the TV..."J!" "What?" "Are you listening?" "Yes." "But you're watching TV!" "I can look at the TV while I'm listening to you..." ACK!!! Men simply don't get that women need eye contact and nodding and sympathetic mutterings. But damn if he isn't listening...because later he'll refer back to something I said in that conversation. How do they DO that?! :)

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