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All Pimped Out: www.blogher.org

Check it out! The new, exponentially amped BlogHer Web Site is now live and hopping with posts in 20 content areas, including my personal faves, Business and Career and Personal.

Fellow BlogHer Lisa Stone has been working with dynamo developer Laura Scott and 60 contributing editors to create a resource for anyone wanting to find or read women bloggers. The searchable Blogrolls and Surfing Guides make it easy to find bloggers in your favorite category areas.

Not gonna cry...not gonna cry...

Does Attitude Sell?

When I was a Freshman in high school in the Chicago suburbs, the coolest thing you could do on the weekend was round up a group of friends, take the commuter train into Chicago and eat at a tourist trap diner called Ed Debevic's. On Saturdays it wasn't unusual to have to wait hours in line before getting a booth. If you were lucky, a waitress would amble to your table, plop herself down next to you, pop her gum a few times, roll her eyes at questions such as, "Can I have my dressing on the side?" and guarantee that you would get your food "when it's ready."

People paid more than they would for the same fare at any other diner, buying souvenir T-shirts while they gladly waited hours to get into the place. That was the requisite price of saying you ate at Ed Debevic's. Somehow, by enduring the long wait and brash service you were officially cool. The diner is still a local favorite.

Even as a 14-year-old, the irony wasn't lost on me--the notion that a company was making money off of unique, but not exactly exemplary, service. Still, there were many things that I bought under an implied agreement that it was not about me, the customer, but rather about something else.

Perhaps women over 30 will remember those ugly black rubber bracelets that girls used to buy at the Limited Express and snake up their arms in the 80s? Each piece of low-grade rubber was $1, and only the coolest girls had dozens of the things, along with even uglier flourescent versions, limiting their carpal movement. But hell, Madonna wore them, hence wearing these things meant rebellion of a sort, even if you had homework and a curfew.

Similarly, Ed Debevic's had created value from an aesthetic--in this case irreverent, small-town, big-attitude dining experiences. This form of sass that Ed Debevic's waitresses served up so well is what I call "Institutionalized Attitude"--it's served with a nod from the customer, like a the Daily Special.

Institutionalized Attitude has been the secret sauce floating a number of stellar businesses--Calvin Klein, Tiffany's, Apple, immediately come to mind. People who spend money on their products are also purchasing the right to belong to it's clientele. The onus is on the customer to belong, not on the business to win over the customer.

Still, I wonder how far attitude--or valuing cache over quality, can succeed in the long-term today, when successful businesses are partnering with customers--not insisting they know better than them--and when customers are customizing (no pun intended) their experiences, not allowing businesses to dictate what that experience should be.

Living Without a Net: An Odyssey into Self-Employment: "Good" Procrastination

I was turned on to this essay by Paul Graham on Procrastination and had to mention it on the blog. So many aspects of it remind me of issues in my own work life.

For the record: I do not consider myself a procrastinator--more a reformed procrastinator. Back when I procrastinated, my house was never so clean than when I was on deadlines. If I struggled with a sentence I'd go wash a dish, or dust a corner of the room I'd noticed hadn't been wiped down in ages.

There are some things I know about procrastinators from the many articles I've read on working styles. Procrastinators are perfectionists in disguise. If they can't do something perfectly they don't do it, period, or they do something else. They often sabotage their efforts by looking for easier things to fix.

I think of yesterday, as I was fleshing out a concept and just got first sight in my mind of just how complicated it was, and how difficult--but possible-it would be to convey this complexity in writing. I got up for something to drink and sat back down, wondering, "Where was I?" But, remembering I was a REFORMED procrastinator and got back on track.

Still, my work style isn't perfect. Some to-do's get delayed, some plans get cancelled. And yet I feel like I am on-purpose. Back when I was a confirmed procrastinator that wasn't always the case. I felt like I worked all the time, but never got anything done.

Another take on Dell Customer Service

It's been way too long since I've griped about Dell. I won't beat a dead horse, but I will publish a comment I received on a previous post about Dell's abysmal customer service--this time it's not another commiserator but someone from Dell Customer Service, from what I can tell, an outsourced CS rep from India, or a rep in America who works for an outsourcer. He offers some insight into the poor service issue. I quote verbatim, as if somehow leaving in all of the typos will add to the veracity of the quote:

"what you dont realize is that you never talked to "dell" per say . you talked to an outsourcer. if you want good ...well half way decent tech support buy under a biz gose stright to an american who is being trested like they work in india. not the best but at least we speak english. also you have to realize that most of us just want to get back at someone because our company "not dell" is screwing us over in overtime and the like. so half way decent support only comes from biz account service tell them your a company and you will get a peedoff american getting paid the same thing a food service worker makes even though we are the ones that have way more knowledge the you ever will. conclusion its not dell its the outsourcers (unable to give names as dell and outsourcer will sue the living heck out of me)

I can deduce from this note that people calling under business services get a higher level of service, but apparently not much. To me, the value in this missive is understanding that, while Dell needs to take a hard look at who it employs as an outsourcer and shame on them, there are other issues at play here. Subtle and more obvious manipulations on the part of the outsourcers.

Just another angle on the issue..."peedoff americans?"

The Relationship Chronicles: Couple's Therapy Shakes

Two weeks ago I sat in on a talk given by relationship guru John Gray. Bfriend was going to go  with me, but then he decided to visit his folks (strangely avoidant, when you consider the topic of the talk: How nutrition affects relationship dynamics), so alas I went solo.

I'd heard about Gray's latest endeavor of teaming up with a nutrition company to sell meal replacement products that balance body chemistry, and thus, enhance relationships. I admit I was dubious and wondered how powdered nutrition would power up my sex drive unless it was laced with Ecstasy. He managed to make a very interesting case, which I relayed nowhere nearly as well later, when I tried to explain it to Bfriend. He thought I'd fallen for Dr. Gray's spiel--hook, line, and sinker.

I have to admit the logic behind Gray's concept, coupled with the everyday realities of my relationship makes me believe every word.

The Unambitious Red Carpet

I'm a bit of a VH-1 buff. It happened almost accidentally--cleaning the house or making dinner with the TV on I'd flip on a seemingly innocuous show that I could easily watch while doing something else.

I've been watching the network for years now, though I hardly consider myself a fan. Perhaps because the programming itself carries so little weight with me that I hardly identify with it. B-friend is the same way. He'd never sit down to watch a VH-1 program, and yet, if I am watching a show, he'll often say he's seen it before. Or he'll know some odd piece of celebrity trivia that could only have been absorbed in one of VH-1's snarky "Worst Of" programs. It's a network that has thrived on people's subconscious interest.

VH-1 has become so pervasive and indirectly powerful that it has coined new breeds of celebrities:

• C-list celebrities
• Reality Show celebrities
• Re-heated Reality Show celebrities--D-list celebs who proved they were so disturbed on a reality show that they got their own
• V-list--Vh-1's very own branded smartass celebs who star in all the snarky shows that re-hash the 1980s, or a film or music genre

VH-1 is the Diet Coke of Cable channels--fizzy, but empty calories. Some argue that the chemical content could make you stupid but no one has proven it. Still, I'm starting to wonder.

The Co-Dependent Blogger's Dilemma: To Comment or not to Comment

Back when I worked for a national women's Web site I apparently rubbed my boss the wrong way for many reasons, but one that stuck out was my email etiquette.

"You don't say who you are referring to," she said. She, being an old fart from traditional media, preferred to have all email in proper epistolary format, starting with "Dear" and ending with my name at the end.

I thought that it was unnecessary, particularly when people wanted a simple affirmation about something, but trying desperately to remain in Old Fart's favor, I followed suit. If I received a message from her like this:

Dear Jory,                                                                                                                     

Are you able to make our meeting at 3:30 today?"

                                              --Old Fart

I would reply:

Dear Old Fart,

Yes

--Jory

I felt badly when I kept it to only one word. Would she think I rushed to respond without thinking about her question? Would she think I was being rude? I thought about responding in a sentence: "Dear Old Fart: I will be at the meeting at 3:30. Sincerely, Jory Des Jardins.." but couldn't bring myself to do it. Something about this requirement smacked of an inability to adjust to the wired world. Email was designed to make messaging efficient. You knew who email was from simply by looking at the From line. You knew what it was about by looking at the Subject line. End of story.

Still, the damage had been done. Old Fart set me on a path of insecurity--one on which I've questioned my digital response skills. Anxiety that plagues me--the blogger--even today.

Why I am a Poor Excuse for a Woman: I'm horrible about touch-ups

Let the big stuff get covered in the Times. I prefer to comment on the trend pieces, such as this one, a rather brilliant observation by the NY Daily News' Michelle Ingrassia that our beloved, male newsanchors are having less and less of a problem showing their age. Folks like Anderson Cooper have made it cool to prematurely, or presentmaturely, go gray.

This story triggered a few thoughts. While I'm still on the sunny side of my 30s, a decade when women supposedly grow into their womenly selves or drop off the face of the planet--we assume, if you're an actress, manless, or childless--I find this trend interesting.

Reality Blogging: A Courtship Dissected in the Blogosphere

When Danny Bonaduce made his couple's therapy sessions the stuff of series television I thought he was a a real attention whore, so starved for any form of notoriety he'd succumb to the drinker's equivalent of rubbing alcohol to fill his chronic need for publicity.

Yet when Love Coach Rinatta Paries told me about her blogging experiment with her client, Jodi, I could only think, how brave. Jodi has agreed to open her relationship coaching sessions to the Blogosphere, while she works on finding, and maintaining a relationship with, the man of her dreams.

Says Paries:

"Jodi will be getting complimentary coaching from me in exchange for her willingness and openness to share herself on my blog and hers. My biggest reason for coaching her publicly is so that the world, and you, can see what love coaching with me is like and how much love coaching with me can benefit your love life."

I met Rinatta Paries when I worked with writers at ThirdAge to develop the site's blog. She had never blogged before, but she was willing to learn and always looking for ways to enhance her content. Now she hosts her own blog in addition to contributing to ThirdAge.

I appreciate Paries's full-blown honesty about why she agreed to coach Jodi publicly:

"To be honest, I hope that you will find this experiment, and my coaching, so intriguing, appealing and powerful that you will be uncontrollably compelled to hire me as your coach."

But why had Jodi agreed to do this publicly? Because it's free? Maybe. Perhaps she is willing to allow others to learn from her experiences. I can only wonder what the man in this equation will think of all this; will he even find out? Perhaps he's not a blogger. Perhaps he's a dancer, or a sandbagger, and doesn't spend much time on a computer.

In any event, I'm sure single women--and men--will learn from these sessions. Perhaps that's why I like this better than Breaking Bonaduce: There's a shared outcome, something useful to be gained by being made privy to the conversation other than mouth-dropping disbelief that child actors can be so pathetic.

Click here for all the deets. Also note that, in addition to the email coaching, Rinatta's and Jodi's phone sessions will be podcast. BALLSY!

 

More on Flow and "Radical Humility"

In my last post I wrote about achieving a state of flow, which is a state that makes anything possible. Many have trouble grasping the notion of "flow," as Dan articulated so well in his comment to the post, because some "feel like it contradicts the cultural norm of individualism."

Another way to look at this is that understanding flow requires a humility (what Wayne Dyer calls "Radical Humility") that is, for some creative types, not possible. I've read some talented writers, seen some uniquely talented actors, been bowled over by people in business settings who seem to be able to grasp the mucky pulp of human interaction and can shape it into something productive. And all of these people share a unique blend of confidence and humility. They don't believe they own their brilliance; but they know how to access it.