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August 09, 2005

Comments

Joy DJ

I'm afraid those "clipboard ladies" would be biting off more than they could chew recording their findings on you sweetie. You are one of a kind...endearingly so. Thinking about that ol' biological clock for a while now, huh? You are who you are, and I wouldn't change a thing...you are a beautiful wonder. -Mom -xo-

Jeremy

I'm laughing out loud right now, partly because of your hilarious writing, but also because your mom's comments are so sweet and motherly.

I won't burden you with my inner dialogue from the other side of the fence. If I had to boil it down to the crudest analysis: I love my kids, and they've brought new kinds of richness into our lives...but the lifestyle sucks compared to before.

Stacie

The funny thing is I envy my friends who can spend their money on concerts and cloths, while mine goes to diapers and daycare.

Yet they envy that the little man runs into the room shouting "Momma!" with such love and enthusiasm that it would be embarrassing if he wasn't two.

Do I miss being unencumbered by kids? Yes. Do I want to go back to it? Not in a heartbeat.

Steve Sherlock

It is good to stop and look around and realize that the world of parents is in and of itself another world.

Thanks for bringing the humor to this situation. And while parenting does not come with really good books (sorry Dr Spock) the benefits are growing in front of you.

Julie

Hmmm, I know that the point here is to explore your issues Jory, not mine, but I feel that I need to represent suburban Toureg-driving, Whole Foods shoppers, who, I think you think, aspire to the two-dimensionality you've assigned them. Having children is not like going to the darkside, nor is it "having arrived" at some status from which we can look down at barren, single people with smugness. We're busy and tired--yes from our daughter, but also from the fact that we are multi-faceted people who both work fulltime jobs, host our friends, travel to see family, and, believe it or not, exercise our brains with topics that originate outside our domestic compound. Yes, I know Really Rosie songs. Know why? Cause you and I used to sing them together when we were kids. Having children hasn't cut me off from my old life, it's reinvigorated the old with new meaning. I'm not sure if you envy me or pity me my staid domestic existence, but I'd argue that your sense of two distinctive bifurcated worlds--the planet of single, tortured people vs. married, reproducing automatons--doesn't account for the complexity of your situation or ours, no? And--own up Jory--even you shop at Wholefoods.

Jennifer Warwick

Wow, how much do I love your mom...

A girlfriend and I were discussing this today, knowing time is a-wasting but still being conflicted about having kids. We're dealing with our feelings of potential maternal inadequacy, but not from the Toureg, Whole Foods, what's-a-Bugaboo angle...rather wrestling with everything from being physically able to carry a baby to term (bad luck so far) and being financially able to raise a child in a tolerant, safe community and a home with a yard and clean fluffy sheets.

Tongue in cheek, we decided that Angelina Jolie has it all: enough money to hire the best lawyers and to travel to adopt kids who need parents, and enough to give them amazing lives and (hopefully) teach them to appreciate what they have and go out and change the world. And the fearlessness to create a family of her own - on her own terms.

Jenny

I've always said that I couldn't have made the decision to have children - all three of my children were (pleasant, but still) surprises. If I had been asked to declare myself ready for motherhood, and determine a start date for attempting to conceive, I would have shied away from it.

I've heard people say that they were ready to start a family, which I think is fantastic. Personally, I am never 'sure' about being ready for anything.

It can be overwhelming to think about the years stretching out to the horizon. The rewards of parenthood are great, but the responsibility can be incredibly heavy some days.

Laura

I read your blog regurally and think it is great! This post was particurally good.

I had my children really really young, so now they are grown (21 and 25) and I am still young (if you consider early 40's young). Now that it's done I wouldn't have it any other way.

I know a lot of women who waited until their 30's to have children, and there is nothing wrong with that - but it makes me glad that I had mine young.

I didn't think about it too much but it was hard. Nothing can prepare you for it. Hard things, I think most will agree, are the worthwhile things. They rarely short change you in the end.

However, there were no $1000 strollers when my kid's were babies!

genevieve

"Yes, and she looks just like me. She is me; I expect the same things from her. And she's just a little kid!"

You have hit the nail on the noggin. Great post, I think you should put this out in the mainstream, Jory.

And remember - you are an aunt, you are an invaluable part of a young person's village and you will help raise that child.

Just wait till that baby wants a blog of her own (and her aunt is even more famous than she is already...!!)

Christine McGuinness

I so hear you on this. I want to find a blog by someone who chose not to have kids and writes about her fulfillment in doing so.

You hear less about that side of things because, well, people are probably less apt to write about something they chose not to include in their life.

I have all due respect to folks with kids or without. I just think it's a tough decision for women of child-bearing age to decide they want to be childless - at the very least, I'm finding it is. Lots of personal, peer and societal encouragement/pressure to procreate. Very hard to gauge the path less taken at this time of life.

Good post, good questions.

terri

Hey Jory, We are all conflicted , my pregnancy was a surprise at 38. The pre- and post baby person who I was/am don't bear a resemblance to each other.
I was a die hard workaholic before baby, delaying my emergency c section for a lenghtly conversation with my boss. After returning to work, my boss reminded me that I had missed my yearly review, to which I reply " how can you sit in judgement of me, I have created life". I am no longer a good employee in corporate America . We just don't have the same values any more.
We are all trying to find the right balance for a life that works for us. I read some where the best way to find career happiness is to stop doing the tasks that you hate. Since I have less time for everything, I will take this advice and drop all the crap I am supposed to do and stick to what I want to do. Its seems like a good game plan as any other.

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