Sorry about last night. I got home late from an end-of-semester soiree with my bfriend's grad school class. I sat down to write and realized, OK, maybe I had a few too many plastic-cupfuls of middling red wide, or too many Fritos--it was a grad school event, not a night at Daniel.
I've had a chance to sleep it off and really think about this whole Howard Stern thing. I consider myself a women's advocate who still has a trashy sense of humor. Even so, I'm just not getting it.
The other night the bfriend was watching the show and I thought I would attempt to bond with him before bed. Hell, if I can watch American Choppers with him, I can watch this. The show featured two porn stars (one was Penthouse Ho of the Year, the other was just Ho of the Month, but she's only 21--or so she says--and has a long and illustrious career ahead of her).
"He doesn't always have porn stars on the show," Jesse said. Apparently he felt the need to defend Howard Stern. Sign #1 of an unhealthy dependence.
Strangely I thought this was one of his better programs. At least the women knew that they were going to be exploited. They even wore tight tops with stretchy decolletages that could be pulled down over their bare D-cups. As they sat down they assorted themselves appropriately so that Howard and his co-perves could pretend to be in control of themselves.
The women answered Howard's questions with not a whit of tension or embarrassment:
"Yeah, they're fake. Wanna feel?"
"Yeah, I love doing women. You want me to make out with her? OK."
These girls had it down almost too well, and you could see that Howard was bored. There was no one to convince this time, like he does with rookie prostitutes and young startlets who grossly miscaluclated the effect of being on his show on their career prospects.
Howard Stern's ambition is to push people to the limits of their dignity, like a stinky foot trying to fit into a child's dainty sock. As he says, "The younger the better."
I saw Howard's movie Private Parts and enjoyed it. I identified with his urge to shake up the stale radio industry and loosen people up. He MADE radio interesting. And yet, watching him grill 9-year-old Little Hercules about the girls he's attracting with his freakishly defined physique makes me wonder if the king isn't getting a little stale himself. He's a monarch of a country of idiots and boys who refuse to grow up; men with no prospects, only the sole ambition of being one of his lackeys. You can see his sidekicks relishing their role of cattle calling the lineup of hookers and women who hope to launch careers by stickling bottle necks up their butts.
You can also tell that HS is a smart man. He wears his intelligence while insulting it. I remember days past when he had more high-profile guests on his show that he would tease out. His goal used to be to get the real story. He made people more interesting. Now I come away from his show ill at ease with knowing there's a market for trading down, selling out, giving it up.
But this doesn't solve my immediate problem of having this torturous trash broadcast in my house every weeknight. Fortunately Howard will be moving his circus to satellite television and eclipsing his hold on us basic-cable-only Luddites. It will be nice to get the bfriend back.
Dear Jory,
I feel your pain! My husband doesn't watch TV, but until Howard Stern exited regular radio, this sensitive, evolved man often felt impelled to relate to me at dinner what he laughed about while listening to HS that morning on his way to work. After many years of pondering this phenomenon, I cannot tell you exactly why a middle-aged man who is in touch with his feminine side, likes to cuddle and never denigrates women will nevertheless shut off his beloved Bach or turn his back on NPR feature stories about victims of war that bring him to tears (yes, he wants to share those with me, too) to listen to this crap.
To understand this apparent aberration in our men, I think we need to study something deep about humor, maybe Freud, hmm? In the meantime, I hope it comforts you to know that my husband, despite his HS yuks, has managed to raise a son who is so sensitive and evolved in other ways. Since my husband is your bfriend's father and bfriend is bringing you home to us for the holidays, let's talk about it then!
See you soon!
Love,
Elizabeth
Posted by: Elizabeth Michel | December 15, 2004 at 06:54 AM