Before I get too high on my own fumes, I believe I owe you a counterargument to my rant against corporate behemoths. Large companies serve a big purpose, believe it or not. Here, the Top 10 Ways Corporations are Useful:
1. They help you to better understand what skills you bring to the table, and which ones to work on. For instance, I’ve learned that I am quite skilled at surfing the Internet and making Espresso, not so good at sitting through long, boring meetings.
2. They introduce you to the best technological systems and software. I am now proficient in programs from Microsoft, Adobe, and Pitney Bowes. I can troubleshoot any printing or virus issue, and I know when to refill the built-in envelope licker.
3. They provide an IT Desk. Think you hate those techie dudes that smell like bad milk and read Slashdot all day? Give it a week working for yourself in a home office and you’ll be funding their Mortal Kombat habit in exchange for some cheap, under-the-table tech support.
4. They provide health insurance. A huge benefit indeed, as insurance is incredibly expensive; though this is a Catch 22 since companies are often what make you sick in the first place.
5. They provide unlimited office supplies. Post-It Notes are actually pretty freaking expensive when you buy them yourself. Ditto for those plastic stylus doohickies for your Palm Pilot that you keep losing under the front seat of your car. If leaving a company to work on your own, it would behoove you to befriend the Office Manager, your agent to the Corporate Black Market.
6. They offer worry-free vacations. Simply put: It’s much easier to relax when it’s not your overhead.
7. They provide fresh meat. According to sociology professor Dr. Janet Lever's Office Sex and Romance Survey, which she conducted for Elle magazine in January 2002 (and which was recently reprinted on Monster.com), “92 percent of the more than 31,000 men and women … admitted to finding a coworker attractive and flirting with him or her. Sixty-two percent said they had at least one office affair, nearly half of them while married or in a committed relationship with someone else. Forty-two percent admitted to having sex on the job, and 16 percent reported the act took place in the boss's office.”
It’s a lot tougher meeting people when the only humans you see all day are Dr. Phil and the Pizza delivery guy. Granted, roughly 30 percent of people at work are fresh, married meat, but unlike your cat they at least make an effort around you. Plus, it’s hard to find places more comfortable for getting down than your boss’s office. Just watch out for the little bonsai rock fountain.
8. Those rollicking company birthday parties. It’s like back when you had a birthday in grammar school, and your Mom bought Dunkin’ Donut Holes for you to share with your whole class—only 30 years later! Get the timing of the whipped frosting and the sparkling cider just right, and you can get the most amazing sugar buzz. Stick around longer than the requisite 10 minutes and you can learn all kinds of interesting things about your co-workers—when they woke up that morning, what they ate for breakfast, what they bought on eBay ...
9. They provide a networking community—or a constant means of torture, depending on your organization. Regardless of whether you like or hate the people you work with, you will undoubtedly have access to a group whose brains you can pick later, once you’ve left the organization, while having lunch on the company’s dime.
10. They act as incubators. Where do you think all of these business gurus learn about companies, in a vacuum? They’ve had to brown-nose, lie to customers, and suffer three percent inflation raises like the rest of us.
I’d be hard-pressed to find an entrepreneur who never worked for The Man. If I did, I imagine the experience would be like meeting someone raised by wolves. You’d have to slap her hands when she takes the milk you left—LABELED!—in the company minifridge, or quiet her when she answers the phone without that hushed, paranoid tone. She wouldn’t know how to cover her ass with a flurry of pointless emails and would fess up to her mistakes and move on—like a savage.
Companies provide us with laboratories for figuring it out. Many great leaders would never have gotten where they are today had they not had such toxic, unfulfilling work experiences that they were booted, or self-extracted, from previous corporate jobs. We need big companies to show us what we want. The trick is to know when the corporate simulation is over, when it’s time to decide what you’re really made of, unplug from the re-circulated oxygen and breathe on your own.
He, he...I feel your pain...and mine.
J.
Posted by: Joy DJ | November 02, 2004 at 10:44 AM