Too Surreal Reality

I had a peculiar moment of synergy this weekend. I caught a few minutes of Rocky IV on Sunday (I think it was IV--the one with Dolph Lundgren as the Russian opponent who wants to "Cwuss de Amedicans" and Rocky being the answer to Perestroika). It was a total late 80s experience--redemption music by Survivor as Rocky returns to his training roots in the bowels of Siberia; a clunky robot telling cheesy jokes; Russian characters with mercenary sensibilities.

I watched a scene with Brigitte Nielsen--remember her? The 80s goddess, former Mrs. Sylvester Stallone, who had a stint as Red Sonja. I wondered, "What ever happened to her?"

I had to ask. The next day I'm flipping channels and there I see her, and Charo, and Flava Flav, and Jordan from the New Kids on the Block, and Ryan from the first American Idol, and that sorta funny middle brother from Full House--it's the new cast of that sick MTV Reality show, The Surreal Life, an overlong, anachronistic joke MTV serves under the premise of its hit show The Real World: put seven people with nothing in common under the same roof for an extended period of time and see what starts happening when people start getting real--the washed-up celebrity version.

The first time I saw the show--a season or two ago-- I thought it was a one-shot novelty. It featured the likes of a balder, fatter, greasier Ron Jeremy and Real World ho Trishelle. This show is so clearly an exploitation of people so far past their career peak--or about to crash and burn into it--that all I could do was shake my head and feel uncomfortable.

I did a search on Internet Movie Database under Brigitte Nielsen. No major films after 1986. She clearly needed something to do. I noticed that she was born in 1963, which should make her 41 years old. She looks about 60--withered from too much sun and booze--she passed out her first day there--with the same penchant for strutting her considerably saggier assets. At one point Flava Flav drags her out of bed to join the group for dinner. She joins everyone hung over, wrapped in a comforter and naked underneath. The group is treated to a strip tease by their waiters, and she pulls off the comforter and joins them. It wasn't provacative; it was freakish.

The most normal person in the group is Ryan, the former American Idol contestant. Still young and dewy, she still has a morsel of dignity. Hopefully she hasn't thrown it out the window by agreeing to be on the show. I wonder how the producers get these people to agree in the first place,

"Dear (D-List celebrity),

As the sun has set on your prodigious career, we would like to offer you the chance for a mini-revival of sorts..." Do they mention the others that will be on the show? How long before these people realize that an invitation on this show is tantamount to the celebrity kiss of death?

The Real World got it right 15 years ago, when it showed the tensions that arise when people with nothing in common--hell, even with something in common--are forced to live together. But now, this concept has become bastardized to the point of bad taste. People seem chosen for their lack of chemistry, willingness to get naked, or because of their inability to see how poorly they are perceived by the public. Hopefully the novelty will wear off and producers will leave these people to find new jobs, lives beyond being has-beens. And these psuedo-celebs can use their pseudo-celebrity status for more useful purposes.

I must admit, it was fun watching Flava Flav insist that the new hipsters got it all wrong by having platinum-capped teeth. It's all about the gold baby.

Comments

[Joy DJ]

AMEN! I came upon that freakish abomination and felt the same way Jory. When will it stop? Sometimes I'm afraid to turn the TV on....I'm totally embarassed for the people who consent to be on these bombs!

Joy DJ

Hey!

I have to say I did watch the show all the way throug. Even though I took pity on poor, drunken Brigitte Nielsen. Do you know she is the mother of 3 kids? I have no idea who Ryan Starr is but she seemed nice at least. She is so young. Why kill her career now? Oh well. I guess some peope will do anything to be famous.

I think we are failing to see the value of such a show. There's something to be learned by watching Flavor Flave slap a naked Bridgitte Nielson in the face or by watching Vanilla Ice pick up Gary Coleman and pretend to dunk his head into a deep frier at a restaurant. The lesson is this: there is no limit to the imagination of television producers. If they think we will like it, they will produce it. If we do like it, there will be more seasons of it (the Surreal Life is already in its second season and there are plans to produce a third and fourth). I know I don't like any of these shows and this opinion is shared by no less than 100% of the people I know. Are there really that many people with differing television tastes as to allow these shows to gain popularity? All in know is that I stopped watching network television years ago when they canceled Homicide: Life on the Street, the best acted and most realistic cop show ever, and replaced it with a series of shows that all lasted less time than the show they replaced. There is no good TV anymore, just good HBO. JDJ